Recent comments in /f/MentalWellbeing

alerdz5 wrote

That must have been hard losing people you know as you said. Can you expand on that? I would like to know more about that. It is not just the most un-difficult thing there could be to lose people as you've said. Share the gruesome details. Have to hear them. lol I don't see how you could say you're sharing TMI on raddle. What makes you say that? I would wonder if I was doing that in my life if there were instincts that it was going on. Moments of discomfort. I would have those if I was being told that that was going on. Then I would adapt to that and change my choices. It is a basic process. Acheivable. Easily run-through-able as a person. Basic. lol I am enjoying the talk this far.

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oldusername wrote

The entire concept of "beloved community" was so new to me that I thought some announcer on my local radio station had come up with it. I'm a femme. Maybe an extreme one, but I have always lived for my family and my loved ones. When they weren't there any more, it became uncomfortable in the same way that starvation and asphyxiation are uncomfrtable. It was a physical need.

It still is. I see myself posting tmi on Raddle and I know I annoy people I don't want to annoy, but it is difficult to stop, like going on a weight loss diet that isn't healthy or realistic. "Grit" and bootstrapping can only get you so far.

But there is a very impersonal kind of love. I feel it for the values of my local community. It was shown to me at a park. I wish I had saved some of my tmi posts to be edited into an allegorical story about The Park, because it was a solidarity network, not a community. We looked out for each other, but we respected each other's privacy.

One notable character in my story, who is a real person, would be the minor of indeterminate age, older than 12 and younger than 16, who dressed Wealthy, wore his hair styled Wealthy, and enjoyed listening to his music on a portable player that was Wealthy.

He had not only educated himself (or been educated by his parents) about my area's current laws against "illegal camping" and the specific places where you could sleep in your car without the pigs hassling you, but he was able to deliver this information to a random mid-50s woman with no teeth and the appearance of.....well, I don't drink but I sure as shit am not pretty, let's just be realistic here.

Classism didn't exist at The Park. I have no idea how that happened, when, for how long humans can keep it up, or whether this is such a unique situation that I'm doxxing myself as far as physical location.

But it did happen. It was anarchy in action. It still exists and it is part of human nature. If I hadn't seen it with my own eyes, I'd probably think i was full of shit and a hopeless idealist too.

Best piece of wisdom to pass along would probably be from my old man:

Living in a car isn't all that different than living in a house, it's just a whole lot smaller. Sooner or later, everyone gets too many failure to appears for illegal camping or they need a major repair that they can't afford. You aren't better than anyone else so don't think it won't happen to you.

< sarcasm >We are god's chosen people because we have cars/sleeping bags/food/health/life experience; </sarcasm > noblesse oblige,[1] babygirl, nobless oblige.

[1] https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/noblesse%20oblige

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alerdz5 wrote

What is the biggest type of social advice or wisdom you have received in 2019? What would that be? What would you put in that category? It is apparent you have learned some amount. But what is the number 1 thing you have learned in this category? Is it something you are willing to share? I am willing to hear such a thing. lol Advice is helpful. Getting lost can happen. Having ideas of how to navigate amongst others is of value to me. I look for such advice online. I do not take issue with it. I like learning. I learn often. I learn regularly. And I shall. That is a fixutre of my life. lol Why change?

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oldusername wrote

2019 was the year I learned the value of solidarity networks and acquaintances; the last thing in the world I needed was a bunch of old platitudes about how you have to BE a friend if you want to HAVE friends when i just plain couldn't!

I have now idea what ever happened to The Woman on the Brown and White Horse or Alexander, who I thought was pretty great, but that wasn't the point. We looked out for each other. We didn't ask for more than the other person could give. We were destined to become fond memories and characters in anectdotes that are repeated to make a point.

The point being that primates are pack animals, like dogs, and when our needs don't get met we can do dumb things.

But there is more than one way to meet a need.

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SomeIconoclast wrote

On campus I see people everyday. Each interaction is one of necessity and very terse, many times they're non-verbal. When I first got here 3 years ago, everyone seemed to already have friends or uninterested in meeting new people. I don't even speak to my roommates (they're all shitty people for various different reasons, so I'm not missing out on much, but still) and I don't attend any of the social events hosted here because of my aversion to initiating social interaction and I know for a fact that most of my attendance would be me just awkwardly sitting by myself wondering why the fuck I even bothered trying and how forced everything feels. I don't know how one starts a conversation with a complete stranger and manages to forge a lasting relationship from that.

TL;DR I'm socially inept and have been alone in a crowd for about 3 years now and it's awful. My life has been: go to class, do work, and fuck around on the internet waiting for something to do and it's just awful.

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alerdz5 wrote

That's a long time to not be talking to people. It strikes me as standouttish in the duration, considering human existence, we tend to socialize. Do people usually do this all the time? It is not exactly addressing needs to do that. It is not in the same space of need meeting to do this. It is in the category of functioning with a procedure of what is known as neglect. To live with neglect is to proceed and decide to function with a less healthy life than you can. To neglect oneself is not the highest state one can be in. To carry on with neglect is to fall short of top potential and to do what is not needed. One should go for top self care. Everyone wins in that context. Everyone is lifted up. Everyone is in a top state. Who doesn't want endlessly top state individuals? What kind of potential is within that context? lol I'm not gonna go after people who don't exist with continuous social conversations. People shouldn't have to have within what they don't want. Put in your system what you want to put in your system. I would say if you want to have conversation, have it, therapy, educational content, jazz music, whatever it is, have it in your life. I am not for just persecuting people in some sense going about things that way. I'm not a persecutorial figure in this domain, why bother, what good does it do ultimately, I'm not gonna bash people for some portion of my day when I could be helping uplift others. It's such an easy either/or decision. lol Fully.

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oldusername wrote (edited )

It has turned out to be a very bad idea to ask for support from those whom I have personally supported in the past. The way it was explained to me was that the protege feels that the mentor was fake all along when the mentor tumbles from their pedestal.

I remember watching this dispassionately when Hygeia Halfmoon was going through drama with her two youngest children and when Laura Shanley was doing all the work and getting none of the recognition/fame over a decade ago.

Whether we chalk this up to human nature or capitalism, it seems to be a thing; we devour our fallen heroes.

Lesson learned. Please check up on your strong friends unless you are the "strong one", in which case you are better off with complete and total strangers.

Has anyone else had personal experience with this? I'm no saint. I listened to the crones mentioned upthread, maybe gave them a shoulder to cry on, but I certainly never sent them a PayPal for groceries or invited them to come crash on my couch. I pretty much abandoned a local Occupier (atr his request) who had a neurological event in 2012.

How can we do better?

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