Submitted by existential1 in MentalWellbeing

He chose to be homeless, then developed a great many issues related to surviving while homeless. I was on in college on food stamps when he first became homeless. Now I'm in ok financial and job shape, but I had to leave home for all that to happen.

I beat myself up sometimes thinking I should've just stayed home and gotten what I could've gotten out of life there, but at least I'd be able to help. As things are now, I haven't heard from him in a few months and don't know if he's alive or not. Happens all the time. He'll be gone for months until he gets arrested or hospitalized, then he'll disappear again. He forgot my phone number 2 years ago (I've had the same number since 2008) after he developed severe mental health stuff. So now I only can get ahold of him when he's out if he runs into someone who knows us both.

I think I understand intellectually that there wasn't and isn't really anything I can do, but it makes me feel terrible anyway.

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celebratedrecluse wrote

I'm really sorry that all this is happening to your father. You're not a shitty person for living your life and doing what you feel you need to do-- you've kept your door open to him by allowing him to keep in touch with you. You're allowed to live your own life. I'm sure you know this, I just wanted to give you validation because what you're feeling is super real.

If you ask me, it is the responsibility of your father's community to give them the support they need, not just you as merely one individual who happens to have a nuclear familial relationship with him. Especially with all the obstacles you have to being able to support them through their problems, or even be in contact them. I think it is our responsibility to create the conditions for that type of community, in the ways that we can. But i don't think it's fair to yourself that you hold yourself responsible for the effects of forces which create and perpetuate mental unwellness and houselessness, whether its on your father or anyone else facing similar challenges.

Hope you take care of yourself today. <3

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iHatePeople wrote

I can tell you no good comes out of replaying the past. I have spent a hellish year wonder what I could have, should have done different to save a friend. There is no answer you will find that will satisfy you. Honor the good memories that you have. Write them down so you never forget them.

Sorry if you are not looking for advice.

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MHC wrote

I remember reading of a donor-conceived woman. She met her donor in a cheap cafe. Discovering that he was a homeless alcoholic--she fled!

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