Submitted by reiorhgjoie213 in MentalWellbeing

I want to live somewhere where I can heal and be around someone who empathizes with me and who wont have me institutionalized. I have trauma from abuse by my biological family.

I have trauma from being abused, in the past I've been put in solitary as a child, nearly raped, force drugged

I want to find someone to live with who wont hurt me, but I just keep failing, I'm scared I'm going to be institutionalized again and that my life will be ruined.

The current people I'm with are more understanding and seem like they wouldnt report me if I was suicidal, but I'm scared at how they'd react if I ever have a breakdown.

I don't want the rest of my life to be continuously at risk of being institutionally abused, I want to find somewhere to go where I can heal and finally feel like a human being, even if I have to save money and move to another country, anywhere, I just want out of this mess that I've been put into.

I just want to fully transition (i'm mtf trans) and have a partner and friends and feel like a human being, I don't want to be perpetually attached to people who abuse me, and to a system that abuses me, I want to break free of this hell.

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Pop wrote

even if I have to save money and move to another country

sounds like a plan
depending on what country you live in though you might have more luck finding similar people there in a better part of the country

The current people I'm with are more understanding and seem like they wouldnt report me if I was suicidal

That's good
I'm also terrified of being institutionalised, especially when I'm doing bad
Lately things have been ok for me though, so I'll recommend you bide your time, keep your eyes out for opportunities, and make the most of them when they are around
(while alway trying to be as good as you can for others, and never reproduce the toxicity of this world)
a couple solid friends will make all the difference

good luck <3

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Catsforfun wrote

I wish communal houses were a thing now. I heard its been diminishing a for while now. I would love to live in a communal house and be mutually supportive with other neurodivergents & queers or whomever, but people just arent interested in those things anymore, or dont have the small amount of motivation to make it happen.

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ziq wrote

You're looking for someone to save you but you have to save yourself.

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reiorhgjoie213 OP wrote

wanting to be around people who wont threaten to put me in an abusive environment and who will be there as a friend isn't wanting people to do all the work for me.

I'm tired of people saying this shit to me like its some profound statement, it's not, it's victim blaming people with shitty experiences of places they've lived.

I was abused by my family, negelcted by the next person I lived with, raped by the next, emotionally abused and taken around abusers by the next.

This shit frustrates me.

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ziq wrote

I don't know what you mean by 'do the work'. Looking for someone to take you in is a mistake because of the power disparity involved; that often leads to abuse. You're put in a position where your host holds all the power and you're trapped trying to please them.

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hermit_dragon wrote

I have a similar trauma background - wanting to be safe is 100% valid. Wanting to live a life where you are accepted and in nurturing relationships with people who won't seek to harm you is 100% valid. I really hope you can find a chosen family that works for you and will be safer for you.

Finding people who are safer is rough, lots of good or well meaning people still have so so much internalized ableism and mental health stigma going on. I wish things were different. I'm presently too dysfunctional to do the kind of communal living I always wanted to, but I totally hold out hope that other people can do this.

I've known some awesome queer neuro-interesting families who totally work out great and care for each other. It can take a lot of wading through crap to get there, though, so please take care of you as best you can while you're searching and working that out. It sucks to be vulnerable to further abuse, all my empathy for this.

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MHC wrote

Life isn't always like that.

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