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El_Burrito OP wrote

For sure and at a base level I'd agree. But I'm just having real trouble. When I really try to take my circumstances and mental state seriously I always end up coming to the same conclusion.

I was a professionally employed as a web developer. I think of myself as a programmer. But I haven't actually done any programming in over a year now (since I quit my job). Everytime I think of how lift myself up and get out of the situation that I'm in, I think these steps, in no particular order:

  • Brush your teeth, twice daily
  • Exercise for at least 30 minutes, 3 times a week (and log what you do so you can see the progress)
  • Hit your desired macros for diet every day (and log what you eat)
  • Clean your room, clean your toilet
  • Shower every morning
  • Wash your clothes daily
  • Wash your bedding at least weekly, if not more frequently
  • Get your debt sorted out (being in the UK, I've been recommend talking to stepchange.org who may be able to help me out)

and all of that is like a base minimum. Like I feel like that's what everyone else is already doing everyday and I can't even bring myself to do that, let alone keep up with it. I was managing to do this during 2019 for about 6 to 8 months or so and in a way I felt so much more confident in myself when interacting with others. Especially when you compare that to how I am now, where I haven't had a haircut in months, I don't shave (though this is a funny double edged sword, because some people aboslutely love a big beard), I've put on weight, don't brush my teeth hardly ever and barely exercise.

And I can hear most people reading this and just thinking "boo-hoo".

I don't know. You're totally right, I haven't figured out how to live my life in a way I'd like. I really should try harder to figure out what that way is, but I really just don't know if it's worth it.

I'm saying this to everyone though, but thanks for replying. You are right, I just can't quite honestly bring myself to actually make a difference.

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lettuceLeafer wrote

Brush your teeth, twice daily Exercise for at least 30 minutes, 3 times a week (and log what you do so you can see the progress) Hit your desired macros for diet every day (and log what you eat) Clean your room, clean your toilet Shower every morning Wash your clothes daily Wash your bedding at least weekly, if not more frequently Get your debt sorted out (being in the UK, I've been recommend talking to stepchange.org who may be able to help me out)

WTF most people do not do all of those every day. I only do a couple of those regularly lol. Plus ur post had a tinge of self deprivation which doesn't help tbh. And I don't think u got what I meant at all.

If you can't find the effort to do programming and get a programming job maybe u don't actually want to do that. Maybe u should do something way different. Plus I n ever said u won't be able to bring yourself to make a difference. U said that not I.

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El_Burrito OP wrote

That's fair. I guess I just feel like that's what's expected of me. There was a time in my life when I did all of those regularly because I was led to believe that would somehow make things better.

For sure, I agree that if I can't find the effort I should look for something else, but I can't even find the effort to look for something else.

And I agree, I didn't mean to find added meaning in what you wrote. I'm at a moment in my life where I don't think I can give up the self-deprivation. It's not intentional, it really is just how I feel.

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