Submitted by jus74hu3m4n in MentalWellbeing (edited )

I ask this because I am the designated other in my present country concept. Even though I was born here and have citizenship, the mere fact that I am categorized as 'other' never made me feel like I bbelong.

In the past I would do performative acts of self-hatred in order to prove the exception to be accepted Now that I'm older and feel like a fool, I know I avoid interacting with most people becauae of that past indignity.

I'm now in place where I don't have to interact and be subjected to the gaze of people who will never see me Human, but hobbies, journaling and drawing are no longer working.

I tried joingon up with a local work study group AAPRP, but had to bail due to constraints of my job.

I know I feel alone and have been alone due to that past hurt, but how do you deal with the longing for connection with others but the fear of interacting with others.

Cognitive dissonace sucks

Edit:Spelling

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SJWarCleric wrote

I've thought about this a lot for my own situation. I don't have much in the way of solutions, but I have often thought that, if I were able to move somewhere else, even though I'd be othered as an outsider, it would be more comfortable/bearable than being othered in the place I was born.

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__0 wrote

Dealing with otherness for my self has been, partially trying to see the way otherness exists in the defined categories, if you weren't labeled as "other" would you still feel out of place within a category?

It's interesting how many times when things are structured like this how many edge cases there are, so many things and people, that are categorized one way but belonging to or intersecting many categorizations without being acknowledged...

I've always felt like categories have felt limiting, As if we were to accept a jigsaw puzzle to be finished just because everything fits together, not noticing that two tiles were switched around.

For me I've always felt foolish looking back at thinking about how much I've tried to belong to things, and kind of see a bit of humour in how natural the impulse to belong to a culture or society that refused to acknowledge it's existence as a collective fabrication.

The idea of cultural consensus, and identity. has always been a double edged sword. I would be lying if I said I didn't feel a sense of purpose the brief times I felt I belonged to an "in-group", but I've always felt that trying to fit in can feel incredibly limiting, and when people are competing for social capital within a group, participating or sharing space in that group can feel stifling and exhausting.

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jus74hu3m4n OP wrote

Thank you for your thoughtful response. I've accepted and acknowledge that I have no desire to belong if it means exsisting means existing within a limited context.

It's just having to deal with the Human need for socialization , but having that experience be....how to phrase this without coming off as a misanthrope....dissappointing(?)

The current organization of society regards me as a threat even when I'm not one,but masses of Humans will accept any shortcut to assuage their own feelings of uncertainty.

It's tiresome and infuriating, yet if I react to that indignity with anger, I am considered the problem.

I can accept my current social death, but I'm not happy about it.

How am I supposed to live if I am prvented from doing so by those who benefit from my suffering?

I'm not even sure if what I'm saying makes any sense, but it's how I've always felt

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Fool wrote

feel like a fool

😘


Sorry I can't be more help. I came to terms with being isolated, but I don't think my reasoning is particularly healthy on the matter.

It sounds like you need some help with trauma, but I don't know what is the best place to point you. Maybe Jane Addams Collective can provide a starting point. https://theanarchistlibrary.org/library/the-jane-addams-collective-mutual-aid-trauma-and-resiliency

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jus74hu3m4n OP wrote

Thank you for for your thoughtful response, I'll guve this a read 🙂

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hunger wrote

ive thought about this a bit and my answer so far is: no solutions

sometimes you'll happen upon cool people. Even rarer, you'll happen upon cool and lonely people like yourself. That's an opportunity for friendship. I really dont know any other way than accident, and meeting people online but its hella hit or miss

there's no big philosophical solution or anything. You're invisible in general as a criminalized person, and want to remain invisible too to avoid bad shit anyways. This doesnt make it easy to find people who you can be around and enjoy. That's the fundamental structure of the situation. Though if you're an ethnic minority or something visible like that, then i guess look for people who look like you, you probably share at least that one struggle in common. But still no guarantee of finding anyone cool...

Also this isn't totally related, only in form, but look up attachment types, there's a similar idea of "want to interact with people but scared of interacting with people" within fearful-avoidant type. Though the typical answers revolve around "how to start trusting people", which is fucking ridiculous since it totally dismisses any real risks that there may be in trusting people. So the other side is that you learn how to not need to trust people, also in order to not be fearful to be able to interact with people.

good luck

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jus74hu3m4n OP wrote

Thanknyou for your thoughtful reply.

I will have to consider leaving my present country concept in the future because I will never be free here.

And I expect to meet resistance for trying to leave in the first place.

I kind of just hate society today, but I know I can't do anything about it.

I am safe,others are safe and have no plan of harm, just in case this comes off as imminent violeneceor self harm...I hate that I have to still tell people that

Thus my conditional Humanity continues

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