Submitted by [deleted]
on December 5, 2021 at 10:55 PM in MentalWellbeing
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I'm so sorry you are going through this. I also hated being in school and I had a fraction of your problems. But here's a silver lining: The school will end one day and by the sound of it, you are not too far from it. So hang in there. Do the bare minimum. Show up when you are supposed to so you can finish and then you'll have much more freedom than you have currently. You'll be able to move out, earn your own money or go to college and each of these options will give you a clean slate. Whatever baggage you are dragging with you now, you'll be able to leave behind. You'll meet new people and you will be able to see that this life doesn't suck entirely (although, don't have too high illusions about adulthood; it's really not as advertised. But certainly much better than school years!)
As for your parents, as much as it sucks, it may be good for your well-being to accept them as they are, unsupportive and neglectful. It's fucked up that they are like that, but it's much more painful to expect support that might never come. Maybe they'll come around (mine came around; at least my mum did). But they might not and while it really hurts, the truth is there are probably several reasons as to why they are the way they are, and I can pretty much guarantee you that those reasons have nothing to do with you and almost everything to do with their own parents and the way they were brought up. Once you get older, you'll get a better insight into your relationships and everything will make more sense; you'll see.
The point of growing up is to become independent of your parents and while I understand you need a lot of support, emotional and material, you can get it elsewhere. Don't be afraid to reach out to various advocacy/support groups, or just some other sympathetic adults. Speak out for your needs and don't be ashamed to ask for help -- this will take you far and it's really just like learning to ride a bike; once you get a hang of it, it will be very natural. Most importantly, don't forget that there are quite a few people here on raddle who went through hrt and who, I'm sure, also come from less than ideal family situations. I'm sure they'd be very happy to help you, either publically or privately. So please make posts about whatever bothers you and whenever you have any questions.
And please don't worry about wasting your time. It is true that life is short, but my god, does it involve shitloads of time-wasting!! Only neo-liberals and Protestants would want you to feel bad for it. So as a big fuck off to them, embrace it :)
don't kids read crimethinc anymore? run away if you hate it so much. Prepare well. And be ready to enjoy a new hell. Really no matter what, its just hell and hell and hell. And its not even on fire right now....
anyways its very fucked, and i'm sorry for how you feel. I made an attempt at running away as a kid but got caught by the slave patrols and brought back, then told that my parents could charge me with being a runaway if they wanted. Pretty fucked lol. Literally property, and all pretense of "for your own good" gets lost in the face of the actual legal system. Anyways my point is just that your situation is exactly as monstrous as you think it is, and it only gets horrible in more insidious ways as you age and are expected to participate in your own oppression voluntarily. There's no way out. There's no underground resistance to join that can take you out of your life. If anything, the various resistances to capitalism that you'll find want you to remain within the system in order to have more power and money to help them with.... (who are they helping, then?).
But the soul is rebellious.... you'll find a way to stick it to the man :P and it'll help you endure for a bit, till you gain some power for yourself at least
(btw about being trans an needing medical infrastructure - you don't, unless you're currently totally broke and on your parents insurance or something or theyre paying for your shit. You can get all the same shit online, clearnet. The best/cheapest/most-ethical place to buy would be lena.kiev.ua - i thnk you can find her on reddit now too from a cursory search?)