Submitted by Ashy in MentalWellbeing

in my home life, well, i'm just constantly being told i'm doing everything wrong, and in response i've kinda just been ignoring them at this point. but still there's often this nagging thought that maybe i am wrong...and that's right, sometimes i am, but i just don't know when at this point i am is the issue

how can i tell? and is there a way i can ignore just nonsense criticisms without coming off as harsh or assertive? i hate being mean to others



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gracklegrackle wrote

I think what is difficult about this is that right/wrong is a very fixed binary, and the only ways to explore further is through consistent conversation. This is also something that, in my experience, requires a great deal of vulnerability. Are the people open to talking about it further? If not, it sounds like maybe these people are criticizing you in unfair ways. I hesitate to say abusive, since I’m working with no context, but if whoever these domineering critics are don’t want to talk further, then that seems a bit fucked up.

I know for me, one of the hardest things to learn was knowing my truth. As somebody who has always dealt with bad brain shit and “extraordinary experiences” (ie psychosis, hearing shit, etc), I became very susceptible to abuse and people generally trying to take an authority position and manage my life. It was difficult, but after a great deal of work, I began to learn to identify my truth and autonomy in fucked up situations.

I don’t know, maybe I’m missing the point though. These things are very dependent on their context. I hope you’re ok, and that you’re figuring things out. If it gets bad and confusing in a scary way, feel free to reach out if you want to talk about it any further.

You got this <3


solaslux wrote

Consider the behaviors you're being told are wrong. Are there common elements? Without an example, I consider it difficult to provide a better bit of advice.

If you think there is a mismatch of expectations - your actions or behaviors don't align with their imposed goals for you - consider the event as something to ponder, but try not to become obsessed.


zoom_zip wrote

can’t really answer, but some thoughts that might help you get your head around it:

  • self-fulfilling prophecy
  • it’s okay to be wrong. everyone is wrong. this is how we course correct. we recognise it; think about it; reflect; and change. giving people a hard time about it isn’t always helpful.
  • it sounds like you are reflecting, which is the best thing you can do. but it’s also a lot of pressure to be put into that position by people who berate you constantly. that’s not fair.
  • everyone always thinks their way is the right way. we can’t all be right all the time. even “majority consensus” doesn’t prove right. the majority of people think cops are cool and good. parents tend to think their way is the right way and if their kid doesn’t go their way then their kid is wrong. how much does their opinion matter to you?
  • if this is as pervasive as you say it is, maybe instead of reflecting on the truth of their words, reflect on how psychologically damaging this will be to your self esteem.
  • words hurt. why are they trying to hurt you?
  • putting your kids down is not an effective way of getting them to see your POV.
  • do you have other people who you respect who you can talk to about specific instances, to get an understanding of how an outsider perspective sees the situation?

cyberrose wrote

The context is important. When it's about personal stuff: Being right or wrong is unimportant as long as you feel comfortable with it. When it comes to social stuff, you can take the bigger context into account. Reflecting your standpoint in relation with society can give you little more clearness. Your standpoint and your "right" can be completely different to other ones "right" because your history is completely different.

In general it gives me a lot of self confidence and clearness to know why my standpoints or views differ from those of others. If somebody tells me I'm wrong I may confront them with things they don't see or just give a fuck without questioning myself. But that's not always possible to the full extend, in situations where this is not that clear I take this opportunity to reflect about it and include it in the bigger picture of myself for the next time.

Another thing which is quite important to me is being graceful to myself. As the others also said: You don't have to be always right. You are definitely not always wrong. It's just your view of the world and as long as you are okay with yourself that's very okay. If not it's - again - a starting point for reflection and reorganization; or at least could be if you take that opportunity.

Thinking dialectically is quite a help for me there. (even though quite some people don't want to hear that I guess ^^)


Ashy OP wrote

thanks for the responses everyone