Submitted by turquoise_hexagon_sun in MentalWellbeing
communicating almost exclusively via text these months has rly done a number on me. i often return to the thought that i am a nuisance when i text people. because it's such a core anxiety, i see myself as wasting the person's time by default even though i could never prove it (or disprove it).
this has led me the belief that i should simply trust people to tell me if they don't wanna talk/hang out/call, whatever. for my own mental health, i have to assume i'm not bothering ppl unless i have good reason to think i am (whatever 'good' reason means).
i can drive myself crazy saying 'oh i send longer texts to this person and they give me shorter responses so im wasting their time' or like 'i can't reach out to this person, i gotta wait for them to hit me up first,' or even, 'i can't talk about my mental health w this person too much bc it would overly burden them.' i know that people often don't tell you if you start bothering them or become overbearing, but i'm deciding it may be better to just behave as if they always do.
this whole problem seems rooted in the idea that relationships are transactional , thank you capitalism for that one. i guess my question is ---- is it better to live with the idea that your social behavior is not hurting or bothering others unless they tell you it is, OR is it important to be empathetic and 'read btwn the lines' to try to deduce how other people want to be treated
sorry if this post is all over the place lol i just was anxious and thought, hmm raddle would have some really valuable insight on this
Hibiscus_Syrup wrote
It's not one or the other. Being sensitive to whether you should speak with someone or how you should speak with someone is a good thing, but it shouldn't be making you very anxious and it shouldn't be bound up in what you are worth or the default assumption that you are wasting people's time. I think just feeling people out for the ways that they want to interact and then working with that is just the way to go. The good people are going to do right by you and they're basically the only ones you should be concerned about under many circumstances.
You seem like a pleasant person, and combined with you saying you are anxious and assume bad things about yourself I think it's likely you have a tendency to overthink things in a bad direction.
It seems you've identified the core problem, so I think a long-term effort at dealing with that is also your core solution.