Trying to keep it together

Submitted by malvarosa in MentalWellbeing

Before the pandemic, I already felt alienated from my social group because I find it hard to connect on an intellectual and emotional level with almost everyone I have met.

Usually this is not a huge problem: I will spend time with my people, become energetically exhausted, and then revel in my alone time at home, away from everyone, to recharge. It wasn’t ideal but somehow I made it work.

But now, even more separated from my social group, and with so much more bullshit to process, I am feeling like my stress, emotion, and anxiety levels are too much for me to deal with. I’m finding it really hard to do basic shit, like continue working, and even feeding myself lately.

My therapist encouraged me to join an online “club” (I grimaced when she said that), and that brought me here. I’ve never been involved in any message board or online community before and I don’t yet know now this all works.

Anyway, hi. I’m new here.

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lastfutures wrote

Welcome! How did you end up here?

I have had very similar issues with the pandemic. I think most people whose default behavior / coping mechanism is to isolate probably got a little excited at the beginning of lockdown, but it's not healthy for most people.

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malvarosa OP wrote

Thanks good to be here. I literally searched for “leftist online forum” and saw the vice article about raddle. The forums looked cool so I signed up.

You’re right, I was kind of excited at first but I think the choice to isolate is what makes it cathartic or whatever.

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videl wrote

I would probably try online dating w the hopes of meeting in person despite covid

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CameronNemo wrote

Ngl OLD feels actively hostile to mental health.

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malvarosa OP wrote

Old feels?

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RichOldWhiteMan wrote

OLD = Online dating

oh, and Videl dating irl is a pretty shitty thing to do right now

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malvarosa OP wrote

Ah, thanks. Yes I agree. With all of that.

Also just to be clear: I’m not looking to date. Looking more for platonic social connections.

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RichOldWhiteMan wrote

Id be down to talk about topics ranging from personal hobbies to feminist theory with you if you would be down. Raddle DMs would probably the the easiest way for us to talk if you're interested. Don't worry about it being awkward if your interested I figure out a way for us to maintain a convo.

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malvarosa OP wrote

I’m definitely interested! Thanks for the offer :)

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videl wrote (edited )

yeah online dating sucks and dating IRL sucks especially during pandemic for a variety of reasons but there's only so much isolation that I would be able to put up with. I figure setting up a 1 on 1 date in a sparesly populated public place with someone online is relatively fine*

*edit for lettuceleafer: not based on scientific fact

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Vulgar_Soda wrote

In what way is online dating any worse or better than in person dating? Both can be equally hostile to mental health. Both can bring joy and add value to one's life. Doesn't that go for all sorts of relationships? Just don't date toxic people, online or not (which is easier said than done).

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RichOldWhiteMan wrote

It does work for some people. There is something to be said about how dating sites turn dating into a commodity that money helps buy. The whole idea of putting yourself in a human catalog and competing can feel a little more harmful to some people in some cases. I'm personally can't make a good argument either way. This was a tidbit of some of the more convincing ideas I heard are

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CameronNemo wrote

OLD services deliberately toy with your emotions in order to keep you coming back to their app, watching/clicking ads, and making in app purchases. There are certainly some toxic IRL environments, but there are also some really healthy ways to interact socially and find dates IRL.

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malvarosa OP wrote

Totally. Except I’m personally not experienced in meeting new people online. I prefer getting a physical feel for new sexual/romantic partners. It’s much easier to lie about who you are/what you want on the internet than it is to lie about those things directly to my face. But as far as I’m concerned dating in general is hostile to my mental health. And again that’s not what I’m looking for here but I am down to flirt.

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malvarosa OP wrote

I tried that briefly when I was single a while back and I think it made my existential dread even worse. I do want to meet people though.

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ruin wrote

Welcome. I’m relatively new here as well and also completely new to online forums. This one seems to be better than most. Usually something interesting to discuss and thoughtful conversations to engage with.

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malvarosa OP wrote

Good to know I’m not the only stranger to the platform! So many acronyms to learn😩

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ruin wrote

Yeah. I’m still catching on. Finally figured out the formatting help button so I could quote text a few weeks ago. I’m somewhat (willfully) tech ignorant myself.

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malvarosa OP wrote

Hah! Same. Just figured out that formatting help thing like like an hour ago.

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RichOldWhiteMan wrote

You got any good hot takes? Don't worry no will will be rude to you sine you're new (unless its some awful shit).

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malvarosa OP wrote

Hot takes on keeping it together? Oh god no. That’s why I’m here! I need help 😩

My instinct is always to do some sort of physical activity but I am learning that this is actually worse for my physical and mental well-being because stress and anxiety are already physically exhausting. Unless of course physical activity brings you joy, which for me it does not unless I’m dancing in a group or something else that’s probably illegal.

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RichOldWhiteMan wrote

Nah, more political or philosophy hot takes

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malvarosa OP wrote

Oh those! Geez where to start. I’m typically an “any means necessary” kinda gal. I’m incredibly impatient when it comes to strategy which I admit is dangerous and alienating. I feel like there isn’t enough time to get everyone’s consensus on the status of human suffering and ecological devastation. I’m an abolitionist, which to me is inherently anti-capitalist and feminist (ala Angela Davis).

Is this more or less what you were after? My tendencies?

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RichOldWhiteMan wrote (edited )

cool, yeah thats what I meant. I haven't read angela davis, but from reading her wikipedia page and from other people on this site she seems really cool.

Edit: /u/malvarosa you didn't ask but I'll suggest some ideas of things you might want to look at.

  • Browsing all, top posts this month might interest you

  • browsing on forum and selecting a tag then browsing all the top posts of all time at that tag

  • Asking a deep question that you wonder what other leftists thoughts are

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malvarosa OP wrote

Her work, along with bell hooks’, really helped shape my political views. The whole reason I went to college was because of Angela Davis’ work.

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lastfutures wrote

Those are definitely my two main feminist influences.

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malvarosa OP wrote

Nice! Unbelievable that hooks was 19 when she wrote Ain’t I a Woman.

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malvarosa OP wrote

Thanks for this! Great suggestions. I need all the help I can get! I still feel very new to this platform.

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catachresis wrote

Welcome! I hope you like it here!

You mentioned your instinct is to do physical activity but the stress on your body makes you feel worse. Have you tried yoga or meditation? I have a hard time doing it consistently, but meditation helps me so much.

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malvarosa OP wrote (edited )

Hi! Thanks!

I can’t ever sit still long enough to practice meditation. Yoga is beneficial to me in a group setting. At home I typically lack the motivation to do stretches even though I really love stretching. The brain is a cruel mistress.

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catachresis wrote

Ya, meditation is hard. That’s why it’s called practice!

Something that has helped motivate me to stretch more has been setting goals for certain stretches I want to do. Currently I want to be able to sit in a lotus position (sitting cross legged with each foot resting on top of the opposite thigh, it feels impossible) so I’ve been stretching my hip flexors a lot.

I’ve noticed setting medium-term attainable goals for myself has helped a lot and is helping me build healthier habits.

Do you journal?

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malvarosa OP wrote

That’s a great strategy! I guess the first thing I need to learn is self-discipline, because it’s very rare that I follow through with any goal that I didn’t have an outside obligation to achieve.

I’m not a regular journaler, but I do write occasionally. Mostly just really bad haiku when I’m in the feels.

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catachresis wrote

Self-discipline is hard! I have adhd that I blame for that.

I remember reading a study that showed that journaling consistently for only 3 days in a row kept showing positive effects for 3 months. I know this and I still don’t journal consistently but it helps motivate me to want to.

Can you share one of your haikus?

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malvarosa OP wrote

I often wonder if I have adhd. I’ve never been diagnosed but I deal with a lot of the same shit as my friends who have been diagnosed.

Good to know about the 3 day thing! I’m going to try this.

Here’s a couple I wrote during a particularly rough night:

You must try to sleep
Try harder and you won’t sleep
You lose either way

—-

Subjected to them
While we dream we are tortured
Wake to real fears

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Vulgar_Soda wrote

Play any games?

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malvarosa OP wrote

Like video games? I used to be pretty good at super Metroid and donkey Kong country. ☹️

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Vulgar_Soda wrote

Both super fun! but forget about video games.

What's your favorite mode of transportation? 😏

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malvarosa OP wrote

I enjoy screaming in my car. I also like trains? If I am being completely honest, I would prefer to travel everywhere by river floatie. What’s your favorite?

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Vulgar_Soda wrote (edited )

Yay, floaties. I wasn't even thinking of floaties.

Growing up, Mom would get free passes to a local water park every summer. I adored making laps in the park's lazy river. Nothing could beat lounging on a donut under a bright, clear sky, waiting for the current to take me nowhere at all, over and over again. I would close my eyes and let my mind wander, following the same leisurely tempo as the cool water I bobbed in.

As an adult, I graduated to real rivers. Not quite as comforting as what I had as a kid (no dippin' dots). Still helped me cope with a few stressful summers. A shame we cannot all float along life's river, content knowing there is no ultimate destination and there is no rush, content to enjoy a pleasant ride ... until the floaty pops.

I feel you on the rising anxiety levels. While online socializing will never replace the real deal, exchanging messages between the random people of this forum has helped me cope with isolation. Not exactly what I had before, but I'll keep posting until I pop.

I had a shitty Hyundai I was quite fond of in college. I totalled the car while doing over 120 mph on a highway, not realizing that months of neglecting my deteriorating brakes would eventually lead to a lack of brakes. What a thrill that was! Pushing on a peddle, waiting to slow down, only to see nondescript car chunks fling into the air, then realizing the only brake left is directly ahead: the wall. My favorite transport ever 😄

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malvarosa OP wrote

Aw, yeah the endless river feature is definitely my fave in the water park. I first went as a young adult. I was the only goth in a bikini with a big floppy hat. #foreveralone

The rivers near me are deeply healing. Some summers they mostly dry up. When I get to be in the water I definitely get my batteries recharged. My family has been in this area for many generations and I get a little ancestor worshipy knowing my Native relatives probably visited the same rivers and harvested medicine nearby.

God damn that crash sounds scary! I hope you weren’t seriously injured.

I totaled my friend’s Volvo by side swiping a semi and spinning out until we finally smacked the median. No serious injuries some how! And my friend still likes me! I wouldn’t drive for 10 years after that. Still get anxiety but I push through it. Also the first time I sass mouthed a cop.

He smelled my hairspray which got crushed and sprayed all over the backseat so he wanted to breathalyze me. I showed him the hairspray but he didn’t care, said “I’ve been doing this for 18 years and I know what alcohol smells like.” Total jerk tone. I blew all zeros and said “I’ve been doing my hair for 18 years and I know what hairspray smells like.” He was bummed. Fuck all cops!

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Vulgar_Soda wrote

#foreveralone

2real4me

I hope you weren’t seriously injured.

Nah. I've been in so many car accidents, even got ran over once, but I have never broken a bone or been seriously injured. Karma must be saving up for a big one.

Fuck all cops!

Yay! I can already tell, you are absolutely wonderful.

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RichOldWhiteMan wrote

No, dont fuck cops.

You have just been destroyed in the marketplace of ideas

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malvarosa OP wrote

You’re right: I wouldn’t even fuck a cop let alone all cops.

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NOISEBOB wrote

Oh yeah, being hit by a car is quite an experience.. I got driven into at a demo once.. it wasn't driving that fast, I just rolled over the hood of the car and landed on my feet and didn't spill my beer. Comrades reacted fast and threw whatever they had at the car. Fun times. Fuck cops, fuck nazis, fuck lemmings.

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Vulgar_Soda wrote

rolled over the hood of the car and landed on my feet and didn't spill my beer.

Run over and didn't drop the beer. Legit badass lol.

I got mauled by a truck while out jogging. Some old guy ran a stop sign. I cracked his windshield and rolled off. I felt fine (which was weird), and that would've been it, but I remembered this ad I saw about getting a check from getting in wrecks. As soon the cops and paramedics appeared I pulled out my C+ drama student training and played the part of an obliterated pedestrian. Cue the hack lawyer. A few months passed, I got a check, bought a shitty Hyundai, and then eventually blew up the car. Must be some sort of cosmic justice.

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malvarosa OP wrote

Karma must be saving up for a big one.

Hah! Hope not. You sound very resilient! It’s nice to know that you can take a few punches and get up and keep going.

Yay! I can already tell, you are absolutely wonderful.

Thanks bud. Same to you.

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bloodrose wrote

Welcome. I'm sorry you are having difficulties with isolation. My mother is going through similar. We see her every other week for a few hours. At the beginning of the pandemic, I used to rope her in for video chats but as she got more and more depressed, it got harder and harder to get her online.

You'll find Fridays are jumping for casual conversations around here.

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malvarosa OP wrote

Hi thanks for the welcome.

It’s good to hear that you are supporting your mom the best way you can right now. My mom struggles with depression as well and it has been pretty tough on my family.

Thanks for the heads up! I’ll check back in on Friday.

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Kinshavo wrote

Hi, hope you feel welcome here. Raddle is actually helping me to have some sort of echo, something to focus on my real interests, what I care for.

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malvarosa OP wrote

Hi, thanks! This is good to know. So far I think this might work out for me! And yeah, reinvigorate my interests in things that matter.

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isvarahparamahkrsnah wrote

I think the secret to living alone is to get used to it.
Watch some prison documentaries for motivation.

I was an extrovert before I moved out here. Couldn't make any friends and the few people I know only meet up when there's work to be done.

Prepare a schedule for your alone-time and you'll always have something to focus on.

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malvarosa OP wrote

I don’t actually live alone. I’ve tried making to-do lists, or schedules. I’m really good at planning them! But I never follow through.

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