I was reading through the article and was like: "Wait, I'm not emotionally stunted and I do put in effort to maintain friendships but I still feel like I'm losing a lot of friends for no reason." The article, however, addresses this as well:
After several failed relationships, Scott Shepherd realized that despite being an empathetic, self-aware guy, he was still missing a key element to his emotional health: a few good (woke-ish) men.
And yeah, that's a problem as well. I don't have a lot of options for this in my immediate circles and I honestly have no clue how to solve that.
I also think, and the article doesn't really address this, that this is made worse by the general alienation of capitalism and how it sucks out your energy and free time. It's just hard to find time and energy to do meaningful activities with anyone. It's even hard to do them with my spouse and we live in the same house.
mofongo wrote (edited )
It has happened to me that I meet someone (or try to reconnect with old friends) and hit it off well, only to hear them say something sexist, racist, transphobic, classist, etc that I just lose all affability towards them.
One, complaint about men not having the "rights" to prevent an abortion if they want to keep the child, another had no issues complaining about immigrants and women taking advantage of men despite being married with a daughter (I guess that's what he thinks of them). Another supported very vocally supported the government on a dispute with indigenous people over a dam extension. At some point, it's just better to be alone.
only to hear them say something sexist, racist, transphobic, classist, etc that I just lose all affability towards them
Yeah, I feel that. I have some rather close friends that I've know for years and it took me over a year to get them to stop using "gay" as a general pejorative. They're also casually racist and generally pretty bourgeois so there are topics that I often avoid near them.
That being said, I find myself able to be friends with people I disagree with. It's a mark of privilege, to an extent.
At some point, it's just better to be alone.
That's just terrible for your mental health. Ideally, we could find other likeminded people to befriend but who has the time and energy for that?
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