I really would appreciate your opinion on this issue as it is plaguing me.
- Just a quick warning though, there is some personal and potentially triggering stuff in this, for anyone going through bereavement or mental health issues.
My dad doesn't like me lifting, he was no stranger to mischievous activities from his earlier days in life, however he definitely doesn't like me lifting...
My dad however is Dying, he doesn't have long left. The idea of losing him in my mid-twenties is unbearable, especially considering I have little other family in this dysfunctional, sick world. Sorry for my pessimism as there are for sure beautiful people and places too.
So I Just feel this guilt for continuing to do this knowing he doesn't like it. He has his reasons for me not to and I have my reasons to.
Here are my reasons I lift:
Helps with mental health problems to a degree, also raises my self esteem and temporarily helps with chronic suicidal ideation. It releases pent up emotions such as anger and stress which are killing me and also stops me self harming.
Is a very efficient stimming method. I am a high functioning autistic person with comorbid ADHD.. Carrying out big or risky lifts produces a high I prefer by far to weed, which was my main drug of choice.
Having these conditions can be a great gift, but if you find drugs or have PTSD or severe anxiety or OCD or bipolar or physical problems, or even just a condition like autism that makes socialising with 99% of people extremely hard thus loneliness being likely... it can be an ultimate curse. Lifting alleviates all of these symptoms apart from the physical ones but even they go into the background temporarily because my mind is hyper-focused on the process of the lifting procedure.
Free money, material goods and food/drink. Guess this one explains itself. Especially as I have never been able to really afford many things before I started lifting. Having £'s are nice.
I have never been in control of my life and lifting provides me with control, some sense of power over my life I have never really had. Which feels great and it literally gives me confidence.
'Getting back at the world'. This human world has bullied, ostracised, ridiculed etc me for as long as I can remember, for no good reason what so ever. I actually think most of the world Is mentally ill in some form.
But I also rationalise it- and justifiably so to some degree, imo - that these corporations i'm stealing from (never the small family ones, always sticking to that code) have been pretty much decimating/dividing our humanity since they began existing. And so I am aiding in the destruction of their empire, however small a dent i make it is still a dent and I guess at the very least I can die knowing it is one other thing I did to try stop them.
What would you do in this situation?
Thanks for reading if you got this far. I wish you all the best.