I've been meditating on mushrooms a lot, which has helped me to make a full recovery from all my bullshit, and find happiness in even the shittiest days.
Look into psychedelics if you're interested, especially LSD and psilocybin. It's not for everyone, far from it, so you have to decide for yourself if it's a good idea.
It's good to focus upon what one is doing.
I tried it for a while. I have adult ADHD so it doesnt work too well for me. Even though I'm "that anti-drug prick", have you tried microdosing? I've heard good things about it.
thelegendarybirdmonster OP wrote
I've been evading my thoughts for quite some time, to the point that when in I keep doing/reading fluff until 3AM and pass out. I've decided to confront myself. today I had my first "5 min" alone in my head without trying to think of anything:
I put a timer on and sat down on my bed and concentrated on my breathing. it went ok. I'll try to increase the time overtime.
idk what I'm aiming for. If I can keep this up, I'll see what happens.