In an American metropolis blac block is fighting a bunch of qanan followers. Its evening and rioting is about to start. A crew cabin jacked up truck with a full tail bed is driving down the street and it starts to coal roll and then approaches a tree nursery. Out comes ziq but in America. American ziq if you will. They state
"What in got digity dang tarnation is going on? I'm trying to buy some trees but now I have to deal with all these annoying redditors. ziq walks into the store and ignores the redditors fighting qananers. Ziq buys some tress and walks out an puts them on their truck flatbed. Ziq pops down the steps to get in their truck.
"I'm hungry I need some burger king. " Ziq says
As ziq is driving the redditors have barricaded the roads. The redditors approach to attack the coal rolling truck. Ziq stays "OH no I forgot all 5 of my conceal and carry firearms. Oh well I gotta get some burger king"
As the redditors approach the truck to attack they all choke to death due to the sheer amount of pollution from the coal rolling truck. As ziq is driving down the street ziq ponders "Wait why have I become what I seek to destroy? Why am I in america? This feels like an extremely contrived way to get me into the setting of the story and to make the hilarious joke of ziq becoming an american. I hate america, I hate burger king, I don't own any guns and fuck the troops."
Ziq's climate disaster of a truck explodes. "That was horribly becoming an american it was like a nightmare come true." The trees are unharmed for plot reasons then fall in ziqs arms. All of the sudden ziq then sees a figure parachuting from the sky. Why, its JFK jr..
Then a loud clatter of footsteps and screams is heard. The anarchist redditors have been beaten back and ran away to get more milkshakes. The qanoners then all run under jfk jr. so they can take his orders. Ziq fearful of what to do drops a sapling. They says "Oh god I'm surrounded by settlers who are also Americans. This is like a horror movie in real life!" The sapling starts to grow and becomes 8 foot tall. "Can I grow tress with my dislike of settlers? Ziq then goes into an anti settler rant and the tree becomes massive and its saplings form a wall separating ziq from the settlers.
Ziq then goes to run away to their house to watch star treck. After about 15 minutes of running home and an hour of stopping to tell every rioting redditor they are climate destroying industrialists and why democracy isn't anarchist. Ziq gets cut off by a giant mech suit. "omg" ziq says. "I've been hearing u don't like america and have been saying mean things about me on the internet" the suit says The mask of the suit lifts and its no other than Joe Biden!
After some witty banter ziq and joe biden start to fight. Joe biden launches a bunch of missiles at ziq. Ziq then does a double back flip to doge, turns the whole block into a Forrest by dropping a few sapling and letting out a anti settler rant as fast as they can. Joe Bidens mech suit's arm turn into 4 chainsaws and starts chopping down the forest as fast as he can to get to ziq.
Ziq thinking quickly runs into the nearby store. Luckily it was a massive anime sword store. After legally purchasing a 15 foot long 1000 pound anime sword ziq leaves the store. Ziq then climbs a tree and shouts. "Joe Biden you will no longer deforest these trees." Ziq then leaps at the joe biden robot and strikes it with their anime sword.
Joe Biden roars then starts to sword fight ziq with his chain saw arms. Ziq thinks to themself about why they know how to use swords so well and are so strong. It must be all the digging I do and the mental fortitude from having used reddit so long they decide. After lots of sword play of joe biden and ziq blocking every hit the other tries. A qanon mob starts to come behind ziq. JFK jr. shouts "Kill joe biden so I can become the true president of the USA and get rid of all the pedophiles" The qanons start to charge.
Joe biden loses his concentration for a second so ziq strikes and cuts off the leg of joe bidens mech with ziq's anime sword. Joe Biden says "no matter" and then puts his mech into fly mode and turns his arms into two massive machine guns. Ziq then grows a lot of trees to defend themself. Joe biden starts to shoot while laughing hysterically. Sadly machine guns are such high caliber than they go right through the trees and gun down ziq. Ziq only has the time to let the words about a quipy comment about reddit anarchist before they die.
Joe biden starts gunning down the qanons en masse. But there are so many they keep charging forward. The qanons start to climb onto the mech so joe biden ejects himself from the cockpit and sets the mech to self destruct. 60% of the qanons are now dead. Joe biden then pulls out a special weapon designed by the US military then shoots the rest of the qanons.
The gun then breaks. JKR jr pulls out a jet pack the flys into joe biden. They start to fight on the ground. A stray dog crawls from the shadows and sees a granola bar in JFK Jr.s Pocket. The dog silently creeps up and grabs the bar. Joe Biden then sees the dog and calls it out. JFK jr. seeing how joe biden just helped him they decide to team up. Joe biden then grabs the dog by the tail.
The dog then leaps onto joe bidens face and start to maul him. JFK jr. then starts to punch the dog. All of the sudden a possum foaming at the mouth crawls from under a car and bites JFK jr.s ankle. JFK jr yelps in pain. As JFK jr is distracted the possum and dog both run into an alley.
JFK jr realizes he will die from this horrible bite and decides to commit suicide. Joe Biden face is horribly scared but he yells about his great victory. The possum and dog run together. They then spot a dumpsters. They both start to feast on the rotting and half eaten food. Without word the dog shows how it has great respect for the possum maybe even a fostering love. This goes on for many years. Over the years joe biden keeps the US empire in tact. With continued pollution the government increases the globe warming to super heating levels. An increase of 7 degrees in just 2 years.
Joe biden ends of dieing of old age never having to leave on the planet which is no longer hospitable to human life. As the temprature warms all humans start to die off.
In this dying planet the dog and possum are holding each other in their arms on a park hill. Their stomached are full from a feast from suburbanites garbage. The possum looks into the dog's eye and grins its massive mouth of teeth. They are both so happy as they are the love of each others lives. They met on a beautiful night where they robbed and mauled a human. So beautiful. The dog and possum then give each other a big gay kiss. But due to the heat possum is extremly weak. dog has been taking care of possum but dog can't do much about the sweltering heat other than stealing ice from ice machines, keeping possum shaded and giving possum cool water to drink.
As dog and possum are holding each other dog starts to whipper. Dog's gay lover is dying and it can't do anything about it. As they hold each other possum dies from the heat. Dog then starts to sob. It lives in a climate disaster of a world where it's love has been taken unfairly and prematurely away. Dog pictures all the great times with possum and longs for the past and hates living the present. Dog continues to live despite wanting to die for possums sake. But dog never experienced joy again after possums death.