Favorite bad reviews

Submitted by tpedes in Films (edited )

"Roland Joffe's film [The Scarlet Letter (1995), starring Demi Moore] is, in the words of the opening credits, 'freely adapted from the novel by Nathaniel Hawthorne', in the same way that methane is freely adapted from cows."

Peter Bogdanovich's At Long Last Love (1975): the Wikipedia article is full of wonderful scathing reviews, including this one: "John Barbour wrote in Los Angeles magazine, 'If this Peter Bogdanovich fiasco were any more of a dog, it would shed,' and 'Burt Reynolds sings like Dean Martin with adenoids and dances like a drunk killing cockroaches.'"

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mofongo wrote

More!! I need more!!!

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tpedes OP wrote

Roger Ebert's review of North: "I hated this movie. Hated hated hated hated hated this movie. Hated it. Hated every simpering stupid vacant audience-insulting moment of it. Hated the sensibility that thought anyone would like it. Hated the implied insult to the audience by its belief that anyone would be entertained by it."

The opening of Leonard Maltin's review of the Joseph Losey-directed 1968 Elizabeth Taylor/Richard Burton film Boom!: "Thud."

Pauline Kael on Song of Norway, a 1970 biopic of composer Edvard Grieg starring Florence Henderson (aka Carol Brady on The Brady Bunch): "It brings back cliches you didn't know you knew – they're practically from the unconscious of moviegoers. You can't get angry at something this stupefying; it seems to have been made by trolls."

Finally, one that needs to be read in full: "And You Call Yourself a Scientist!" reviews Exorcist II: The Heretic.

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TOPE wrote

It's a shame there are only superhero movies now.

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