Recent comments in /f/Feminism

celebratedrecluse wrote

As with the restrictions on birth control, limitations on abortion access, and sabotaging sexual assault accountability & prevention, the anti-trans campaign of the conservative right wing was always intended to lay the groundwork to attack the ability of cis women to express their gender freely. the legally and socially sanctioned restrictions on gender expression for trans women, trans men, and NB people will find their greatest climax in the authoritarian measures taken to restrict nontraditional and noncisheterosexual behavior by cis women, for in the reactionary mind cis women are a resource to be colonized and controlled to ensure the reproduction of the power structure.

Therefore, cis women who wish to exercise their autonomy and live freely as women, should be able to find some of their most important comrades in the trans and queer communities. It is vital to emphasize this at every opportunity, and push back violently against the destructive conservative ideology of trans-exclusive "feminism".

Destroy the patriarchy!

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2cats wrote

Thanks for sharing that.

I don't want to tell my girlfriend what she should and shouldn't like or what is and isn't good for her, and unless doing this is causing cumulative mental or emotional harm, I don't think she's in danger. I don't even think the particular tops she plays with are bad people or have sinister motives. She's got her personal reasons for doing it. I'm just not convinced that heavy BDSM like this is a healthy practice.

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bloodrose OP wrote

Something to consider. Americans bought and sold slaves, considered human beings property. Those slaves and their descendants were given rights before women. They had rights to own property before women did. They had rights to vote before women did. This makes is pretty clear how women are thought of in this culture. We are seen as ones to hurt and ones to labor and burden for men. What is insidious is that we no longer say it overtly so it can be very difficult to tell who is enforcing the paradigm. When your female friends turn on you and enforce the patriarchy it leaves you feeling isolated and trapped.

But in truth, I think the scariest is the violence. I was very lucky that the abusive man kept it in context of sex and I was able to leave without repercussions. I literally fear every man and I don't think I'm wrong to. Men are dangerous until they prove otherwise...and even then...

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ziq wrote

I was watching the new Tarantino movie and there's a scene where a man beats the crap out of women and the movie expects you to root for him, it was so disturbing. The USA's entire culture seems to revolve around dominating and doing violence to women.

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bloodrose OP wrote

I'm gonna overshare here. I may delete later.

I was in an abusive relationship. However, it didn't start out that way. It started with a tiny bit of kink play. The kink play became more and more violent. It became "let's do 24/7 as a 'kink' thing". It overwhelmed, exhausted, hurt and traumatized me. And it started so vanilla, so easy. Just a bit of light spanking. It ended in caining that caused welts and long-lasting trauma.

There's this space you get into in your head that tops like to call "sub-space." What is really happening is your body is flooding you with painkillers and dopamine to try to help you endure the abuse. In that state, you are supremely suggestible, brainwashable. You are vulnerable. It is so easy for an abusive person to take advantage of it. I literally trust no one with this power any more. I will not bottom. Ever again. I trust no one who enjoys being a top. If someone I loved wanted me to top them, I would do it as a service but not because I enjoy it.

I don't know what to say about your girlfriend but I share my story with you to aid in your continuing thoughts on the matter of bdsm.

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2cats wrote (edited )

I've started to be really critical of BDSM (not all kinks/fetishes, just obviously harmful/degrading/problematic ones) lately. (I'm a cis male, if it matters.)

My girlfriend does impact play (read: gets beat with things) with a couple men in the local scene. She says she likes it and, what's more, needs it occasionally as stress relief. Last Saturday, she did a scene at a party with both of them taking turns beating her. She says she doesn't remember anything after about the first 15 or 20 minutes even though she was speaking and interacting with the tops. The scene went on for about 45 minutes total. It ended when she was leaning against the rack against which they were beating her and whimpering/babbling, unable to speak.

They sort of half-assed gave her aftercare. They offered her a blanket and chair, and, tellingly, she screamed at them that she didn't want them. They gave her water and held her for a few minutes before leaving her alone to pack up their "toy" bags. I think both of them had other scenes planned afterwards. I went and sat with her on a nearby futon. When I first touched her, I startled her, and she flinched. Shortly after I sat down, she abruptly got up and ran out of the dungeon. She'd gone to puke. She came back in and sat down, and I held her and gave her water.

We left the dungeon and walked up the hill to the house. When we got inside, she got some food and spoke to a guy she knew in the kitchen. She couldn't remember his name (or even be sure she knew him). We sat down on a sofa, and I discover that she can't remember my name, or hers. I cuddle with her for a while before she tells me she just wants to go home, so I go get the car and grab our stuff.

This isn't "play". There's no way this is "safe" or "sane". This is torture. This is dissociation. This is amnesia. This is trauma.

(Edit: typo.)

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Erisian wrote (edited )

Sometimes I feel like the best way to handle shit like this is when the courts fail us... find out where these people live and make their life an absolute living hell for the rest of the time they're alive.

Make sure they can't go to work. Slash their tires. Make it simply impossible for them to live on their own. We don't even need to physically harm them. Just make sure they never experience happiness and a lack of paranoia EVER again.

They're a wolf-pack after all. They can handle it, I'm sure.

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admt0l0k0 wrote

Chizuko Ueno is tuff , people were in a cerimony for subscribing students and she raised her voice and till what I know it created a very good impact and woman are starting to wake up and look with more progressive mind to their environment and society , this feminist is fantastic #ChizukoUeno lets try to find more about her

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phantomPower OP wrote

Thanks for the reply and the clarifications. What a relief.
The way I see things by using this definition of feminism on the sidebar it's like it says this is what feminism is for this forum. By extension it looks like these approaches are approved.
Suggestion: What if the broad definition was skipped and something more specific to this forum took it’s place? Something including intersectional feminism perhaps?

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emma wrote

I wrote that definition. It was a more of an acknowledgement of all types of feminists, including the garbage ones (e.g. TERFs, but the broader white feminist "movement" more so) and why they might be subjects of discussion here. I never meant to imply these groups should feel welcome.

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