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celebratedrecluse OP wrote

While this is a feminist issue, I want to emphasize here that this impacts all people with Uteruses, not just women with Uteruses.

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hasbrochem wrote

reading through a lot of those is cringe worthy and rage inducing. a lot of them have clauses and exceptions for granting the rapist parental rights if it's "in the best interest of the child" which we've seen the courts do some really fucked up shit "in the best interest of the child"

I'm glad you shared this but I think I'm going to have to take a break and some aspirin now

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celebratedrecluse OP wrote

I'm sorry, I know it's very upsetting. Self care is really important though. i didnt know how to put a meaningful CW in the current submission framework, with only a subject, link, and body fields. Maybe in the future we can figure out some way to edit the postmill framework to add an extra field for CWs, which would hide the post until someone opts-in.

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hasbrochem wrote

thanks and it is definitely something needed as it's not always clear which, if any, should be used.

I was going through looking at just some specific states I'm more familiar with when I noticed that trend of using the language of "in the best interest of the child..." and I started looking at more and more states and reading what their laws actually say. that's about when it unraveled for me. as you pointed out, those 7 states are pretty fucking egregious, but what's not said (it's hard with a limited title and space) is that there's not really any place that has "good" options. there seems to be a general requirement that they rapist be convicted (because that happens so easily for those that make it to court in the first place) and there has to "clear and convincing evidence" that they actually raped the other person (cue: "well, were you drinking? what were you wearing?...") and that the fucking pigs do their job in documenting (be great if they could do this without fucking retraumatizing the victim/survivor too) and charging the perpetrator.

I used to think the justice system worked pretty well in the usa, not perfect but not horrible. then I became friends with people from marginalized communities and started working to advocate causes they found important. it's not just a joke, something you can laugh about and go home after. you can't change the channel when the war's at your doorstep. people from marginalized communities don't get to take a break. they can't step away because it's too much to deal with. they have to keep up with it day after day after day after day, the unrelenting hammers, fists and guns of the state, fascists, other conservatives and leftists that don't think they deserve any fucking "special treatment" (because being able to just exist is a privilege).

we're not allies. we're not supporters. we're not champions of a cause. we need to be fucking accomplices through our actions more than out words.

things like this need to be shared, IMO, so we don't forget what it is we're up against and how much more our actions are needed than just our words. thanks for sharing it.

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celebratedrecluse OP wrote

Yeah, you are right about how no jurisdictions' policies are really adequate on this issue, because it is totally unreasonable to expect the criminal justice system to actually serve the interests of survivors in the vast majority of cases, if not in every case. It's just absurd that even if one is able to prove their rapist's abuse beyond a reasonable doubt, in 15% of the country it's still not enough for the state and its officials...it's completely despicable, and I agree that it is very important to remember the kind of inhuman system which perpetrates and protects this type of gendered abuse.

But as we keep informed, and remind ourselves why we fight, I hope as many of us as possible take care of ourselves and our basic needs, including our emotional ones. Liberty comes from love, for one's self as well as for others.

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