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Xylanthius OP wrote

Thank you for sharing this.

Are you really fat though? or do you just think you are fat? how fat is fat? What do you think fat is?

I think i am fat, but my therapist says i'm not fat. I have a lot of shame surrounding my weight. and anxiety. I think i'm fat, but i know i'm not fat, but i think i am. it's hard to explain. My thoughts should be filled with something besides what i look like. it gives me a lot of anxiety.

my therapist tells me that many many women would just be dying to look like me. men sometimes stop me at the grocery store to tell me i'm beautiful and to ask me for my number randomly. the other day i was washing my car and a man gave me a handfull of tokens and told me this was for the next time i come and to come back soon. another time when i was washing my car a man came up to me and gave me a shammy and asked me for my phone number. the mail man asked me what my name was at my work and told me that i looked fine. yet i have extreme extreme anxiety about the way i look that it significantly decreases the quality of my life.

i sometimes feel like i need to be hypnotized or something. i wonder if this is a common experience amongst women, or if it's just my crazy crazy head to feel this way. whenever i see someone with a camera i hide and run and hide and i make for certainly sure that i am no where near range of coming into contact with the scope of the other side of the lens because i don't ever want my ugliness to be captured. it's terrifying to me that someone would be able to see me. I would wear a mask if i could.

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[deleted] wrote

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Xylanthius OP wrote

Not conforming to female beauty standards totally has a negative effect on how people perceive and interact with you. It sucks.

By the way why after you have a child you gain weight? Does your metabolism slow down after that? Why do some women gain weight permanently and others do not?

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