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leftous wrote

For anyone who needs tips, I would recommend "The Will to Change" by bell hooks. She articulates really well how men are also victims of patriarchal/misogynist thinking. I've found many of her points resonate well when having discussions about feminism with men.


Dumai wrote (edited )

i call out misogyny when i see but i'm weary of trying too hard to appear like "one of the good ones" because i don't want to be one of those men who get accolades for basic performative allyship

i absolutely do not want to be complicit, by silence or any other means, but i also don't think i should ever be leading the conversation


Tequila_Wolf OP wrote (edited )

Even in men-only spaces? This article seems to be more based around the kinds of things men are saying to each other by themselves.

(which is not to say that it isn't hard to know when to say things or how to)


Dumai wrote

sure, but consider the fact that this guy wrote an article about it himself and published it under his own name when he could just have easily used his position to signal boost a similar, probably much better article by a female feminist, who would naturally be in a better position to tell men how to support her


amongstclouds wrote

You shouldn't even be worrying about looking like "one of the good ones" if you're doing it for the right reasons -- because it literally kills people and puts them in danger.


Dumai wrote (edited )

well i hope i am doing it for the right reasons; the clique of completely fake "pro-feminist" men who still treat women like shit are equally as likely to get people in danger, but they're better at hiding behind the clout they've earned as allies. all i'm saying is: i don't want to be that, in any respect, and i don't want to associate with men who are.

that doesn't mean i'm going to be silent, that just means i'm going to try not to take up too much space and attention in the feminist conversation. because while i get the point of this article, obviously, i've seen it happen before that men who write pieces like this earn too much praise for "helping dismantle rape culture" and then later turn out to be rapists themselves, or otherwise reveal themselves as huge misogynists, or end up literally trying to murder their wives;* so it would often seem their "feminist activism" was more about solidifying their own influence in the intellectual scene than any sincere concern for women's issues. i think i'd be much more interested in an article written by a woman telling men how to be good allies. the positionality of it just feels a lot more comfortable to me

*not that i'm saying ramanathan s. is any of those things, i'm sure his intentions are absolutely good, but articles like this from men are always a little concerning to me