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edmund_the_destroyer wrote

For the 6th point, "You Can’t Expect Someone to Love You Until You Love Yourself" - I would turn that a little bit.

You can't be interesting to others unless you have some of your own interests and goals. I had two different girlfriends in my teens whose whole interest in life while we were together was me. "What do you want to do next?" "Whatever you want." "Where do you want to go?" "Wherever you want to go." "What should we get for dinner?" "Whatever you want to eat." "Which game do you want to play?" "You pick." "Which movie do you want to watch?" "You pick." "What do you want to do with your life?" "Be your wife." (Not even kidding.) All either of these poor young women wanted was to please me, and I'm no prize now and was even less of a decent person then. My sister's story is even worse, through a long sad story she ended up marrying someone like that and after a few years she divorced him because she felt like she was more his mommy than his wife.

So have at least one hobby and one goal. It doesn't have to be a grand ambition. "I collect ceramic bunnies and someday I want to own a camper." "I lift weights and someday I want a garden." "I read romance novels and someday I would like to do salsa dancing." "I play with my dogs and someday I want to be a published encryption researcher." There, done, you're now your own person as well as someone interested in a romantic relationship.

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ChaosRocket wrote

What if you’re against having goals in principle because it just enforces the capitalist notion that you have to constantly be striving for better and more, constantly competing against yourself and others? Saying you should always have goals is saying you should never be content with what you have, you should always be dissatisfied.

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edmund_the_destroyer wrote

If you have no goals, doesn't that mean you're content at doing nothing? "I have no goals. None. My house is so dirty it's not fit for human habitation because 'cleaning the house' is a goal. I live off candy because 'eating healthy' is a goal. I do not communicate with anyone because 'maintaining communication with friends or family' is a goal." Really?

Now I don't want to buy into the capitalism opposite of that state - acting as though life isn't worth living unless my residence looks like something in a home catalog, I'm rail thin and absurdly muscular, and I spend all of my spare time in some expensive and sophisticated pursuit like mastering golf or conducting scientific research.

But I think, "I would enjoy learning to tap dance" is a reasonable aspiration, as is "I would like to grow my own vegetables", without falling into a never-ending cycle of hating yourself because you've never achieved enough (or spent enough).

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ChaosRocket wrote

Well I just keep my apartment clean as a matter of course. I don’t think it’s really considered a “goal.” Like, if someone asked me what my goals are and I said having a clean apartment, that would make it sound like my apartment is currently dirty and my goal is to get it clean. Keeping it clean consistently is just a standard of living, something I normally do, not a goal.