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The kindness of men

Submitted by Chomskyist in Feminism

I noticed this thing with a lot of men. they tend to be really generous and kind only to women they’re attracted to. Duh, obvious statement to most of you but it’s jarring when you see it first hand and it’s so prevalent and insidious to the point that it feels uncomfortable accepting help from a strange without thinking of the possibility of him having ulterior motives.

And it’s disheartening knowing that if you’re in a position needing a man’s help, a lot of times it will depend entirely on whether or not he’s attracted to you. and the problem is that they think this goes both ways.

I can show a simple gesture of kindness and a man will take it as me coming on to him. me letting you go in front of me on the checkout line because you have one item, me offering change because you don’t have any, or anything other well-intentioned act of kindness results in a man trying to eventually make a move thinking that it’s mutual. how sad it must be to think that there’s no kindness for the sake of kindness. that all good done in this world is based on sexual impulses instead of the desire to help another human being just how you like to be helped.

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5

Catsforfun wrote

Yes, I learned not to be nice to men the hard way as well. Any kindness or inclusivity on your part may very well turn the creepiness on. I don't interact with them anymore unless I've observed them enough to decide they are a low creepiness risk.

4

NeoliberalismKills wrote

I've noticed this as a man. I'm in retail and need to greet everyone as part of my job. Some women go out of their to avoid eye contact or won't acknowledge me when I acknowledge them. I'm not a creepy ass hole but how do they know?Patriarchy sucks.

4

untitled wrote

"how sad it must be to think that there’s no kindness for the sake of kindness"

love this. you are so right. i wish you were wrong, but i have a hard time believing you are. trying not be a pessimist here, but it's pretty hard sometimes.

2

sudo wrote

Yep. Then when these men see a man genuinely being nice to a woman with no ulterior motives, or when they see a man empathizing with what a woman's saying, they always cry, "White knight!"

1

MeowZedong wrote

To add to your last paragraph, the way that if you accept a guy doing something that just seems like a kind gesture some guys will assume you now owe them something (sex) or that you're into them.

" how sad it must be to think that there’s no kindness for the sake of kindness. "

you hit the nail on the head with this one, I agree completely.