3

Top 5 reasons you can't change the operating system on your laptop... or its bios. A parody of a conservative article.

Submitted by Copenhagen_Bram in Cringe (edited )

Top 5 reasons you can't change the operating system on your laptop... or its bios.

As if the PC police didn't have enough on their hands in trying to convince us all that Windows really is the best (and only) operating system... now they've got to figure out what to do with those who want to change their BIOS! Whatever happened to RMS's dream of judging software by the people's control over the content? Guess he's just an old tinfoil hat after all. (huehuehue)

In trying to blur/eliminate software value, while widening Murica's operating system choices through libreboot, programmers have found themselves in an incredible juxtaposition. They've got to make a decision. Do they hate Windows (in supporting this install-Linux charade)? Or are they surveillance-phobic (in NOT supporting our latest proprietary SecureBoot BIOS)? (you can't be both, can you? naw.)

It. Just. Doesn't. Work. (because proprietary drivers bitch)

You can't change your operating system. Or your BIOS. It's not a popular opinion. It's not even a fact. But here's the top 5 reasons why:

1. Your warranty.

Your computer comes with a very precise warranty. And that warranty tells us how our support system can help you troubleshoot your issues. Amazing how your warranty is pre-programmed so that we can only offer support if you haven't changed anything... like your operating system and your BIOS! Wowza.

2. Your hardware.

Your graphics card requires NVidia. Your wifi requires Broadcom. You may say you're using an open source operating system, but your kernel will still use NVidia. There's also this little program called "cryptsetup". Any guess why you'll never use to its full potential? Yup. Your BIOS.

3. Your purchase.

Without getting too technical here... your computer either comes with Windows 10 or Windows 8. So yeah, there's that. Oh! And it comes with a specific BIOS, too.

4. It's anti-science.

If you use Windows, but want to, or think you want to, install Linux, you won't evolve. Installation (very ḋ̸̪̞͈̥͖̤̰͑̎̔a̰ͩ̾ͤ́n̤̱̲̥̘̦̾ͭ̿g̛̝̱̙̠ͪͫ̂e̦͓̫̼͇̺̻̍́̒̿͞r̝͚̹̘͗ͭ̇oͨ̓ͦ̑ͬ̓̐u̸̠ͮͧs̯̹̞̎̀̂͌̿ installation, by the way, and a whole lot of formatting is required to make that happen. Wanna change your bios? Taking a computer apart might help... I guess.

5. Your family.

Just that little thing known as the "backbone of society". If you're a dad, your kids need you to use Windows. If you're a mom, your kids need to use Windows. Stop being so paranoid already. Life is not all about computers. And Windows is about more than the color of your desktop - it's your operating system. We're not even asking you to be proud of it. Just keep using it for crying out loud. Why are you trying so hard to install something else? Use Windows. Because, cliche as it may sound, your computer is s̤̅ͩ̂͑̂́pͦ͌̎ͣ͡e̴͔͇̠̩ͥ̚c͉̥͕̔̄ǐ͈̩̜̙̝̍ͥ̒̆ͅa̠̰͖̹̱̞̗ͫͪ̀l̠͡ just the way it is.


This has been a parody of this trashy rightwing anti-transracial/gender article: http://archive.is/WUaPl. Ugh.

Comments

You must log in or register to comment.