I think maybe I have overinvested myself in people here. I dont know. I just wanted a place to vent because I had no one to vent to. amd then so many people were so supportive and It really surprised me and it really helped me and I really needed the help.

And shit went down and I dont want to rehash it, because my view is distorted but also because I am the only one left involved so whats the point.

and thats what sucks because three of my biggest supports were styx, bloodrose, and LL. and they all left. and I feel almost selfish for wanting them here again. They all did so much good for me. I do still have contact with LL so thats something. I reached out to bloodrose but I think that was wrong of me. but its done now, I guess we will see what comes of that.

I dont know, it just sucks. and I dont know if I feel comfortable posting here anymore. and it sucks because it was my only safe space and I am like super fucked up about it right now because I have a lot I need to talk about but no where to go with it.

I think I need to take a hiatus. I dont think I can stay away long tbh but I need some time. Fuck I hate this.

Anyway if anyone wants to reachout to me elsewhere I would like that. I am at ni.hil.ist under the same name. I am on matrix but its a different name I dont know if I want to share that in a post though. I will probably lurk here a little today and then disconnect for awhile.

Comments

asterism OP wrote on November 25, 2022 at 2:52 PM

#265,307

Oh shit. I was going to do that thing next Sunday. are people still interested in that?

I dont know if I still am or not I will need to decide.

subrosa wrote on November 25, 2022 at 3:14 PM

#265,308

Replying to asterism (#265,307)

Nothing against you, but I'm leaning no on next Sunday. As you mentioned, it's easy to get a bit too invested in each others lives, which comes with all sorts of dynamics that online are extra difficult to hold in balance. A hiatus sounds like a good idea, if only to let the mind unwind and let go for a bit. But also don't take your announcement as a promise; if you show up tomorrow morning I won't hold it against you.

Sorry the whole situation leaves you a little, uh, fucked up. I'm inclined to say, it's not that big of a deal, and there were/are all sorts of factors at play; feel better. I hope that's not too measured a response to be meaningless.