I think maybe I have overinvested myself in people here. I dont know. I just wanted a place to vent because I had no one to vent to. amd then so many people were so supportive and It really surprised me and it really helped me and I really needed the help.
And shit went down and I dont want to rehash it, because my view is distorted but also because I am the only one left involved so whats the point.
and thats what sucks because three of my biggest supports were styx, bloodrose, and LL. and they all left. and I feel almost selfish for wanting them here again. They all did so much good for me. I do still have contact with LL so thats something. I reached out to bloodrose but I think that was wrong of me. but its done now, I guess we will see what comes of that.
I dont know, it just sucks. and I dont know if I feel comfortable posting here anymore. and it sucks because it was my only safe space and I am like super fucked up about it right now because I have a lot I need to talk about but no where to go with it.
I think I need to take a hiatus. I dont think I can stay away long tbh but I need some time. Fuck I hate this.
Anyway if anyone wants to reachout to me elsewhere I would like that. I am at ni.hil.ist under the same name. I am on matrix but its a different name I dont know if I want to share that in a post though. I will probably lurk here a little today and then disconnect for awhile.