My Old Coworkers Invited me to a Boardgame Night and My Wife Responded to this Exactly the Way I Expected.

Submitted by asterism in AsterismOvershares (edited )

Ok so I've mentioned at least twice that my wife is suspicious of my old coworkers who all happen to be women. (whichh she has only met once and has zero valid reason to be suspicious of). The first/last time they had invited me to something (it was a Harry Potter Movie night) it became an argument because my wife "trusts me" but "doesn't trust other women". and obviously they were trying to seduce me and I wanted to cheat on her etc.

Well my old coworkers are at it again with their evil tricks!

They invited me to a board game night. I decided I would be strategic in breaching the subject to my wife. Because of course I have to run it by wife because someone has to watch the kids. Well I decided to tell her via text while I was at work and maybe this would give her time to be calm and think it over.

I should have known better.

So I get home and I can tell she is very worried about something. She is clearly bummed out and concerned etc. So I try to get her to tell me what's going on. It takes a lot of prodding but eventually she decides to tell me what is up.

So she starts going into how she thinks I don't love her anymore (which despite her many faults isn't true) how she thinks we are drifting apart and I am going to divorce her (which is maybe true but I ain't going to say that). and how we don't spend time together anymore and I make her a better person and she isn't a good person without me and all this stuff which was obviously a result of me wanting to go to this board game night. and we talk through it.

Then she goes into how it seems like I want to spend time with literally anyone but her. whichh was annoying because I spend a ton of time with her but whatever.

Then we finally get to my coworkers. and she says she doesn't get why I would want to hang out with them. We have nothing in common. I don't like my coworkers and usually I hate hanging out with my coworkers etc. "why do you want to hang out with them, I don't understand" andd "you don't really know them well enoughn to do this kind of thing with them" which I did say that she didn't really need to understand and their decent enough which is why I want to hang with them and you know I ain't ggoing on vacation with them I would do a board game night with total strangers if I was invited.

So after all that BS she finally gets to what she REALLY wantss to say. She says "I don't get why your coworkers are so obsessed with you. I trust you but I don't trust other people. Like obviously they are obsessed with you and well you can do what you want but its obvious that they are plotting something" and like she's met these people once and I haven't talked to them in about 4 months but they are obsessed with me.

So at that point I got pretty angry because its the whole cheating BS again and its pretty obvious but I wanted her to say it outright so I tried to get her to play her hand. and I asked her out right, "What plot do you thhink they have in mind, what evil thing could they possibly be planning" I overplayed it though because I was too angry and she sensed it and back pedaled. Gave me some nonsense about how they are, "obviously trying to get you to work for that company again, annd I don't want you doing thhat again it was so bad for you"

and then she tried to guilt me because I would miss some Bullshit christmas city event with the kids. and you know its one thing when I miss stuff because I work but now I am choosing to miss out on stuff with the kids. and my daughter constantly talks about how much she misses me and wishes I was there. etc.

I told her I am going anyway and that I get to decide what is an important use of my time and thhat was thankfully the end of it.

But she thinks my coworkers are collectively obsessed with me and collectively trying to seduce me. Like I would be so lucky dang.

Clearly I am the main protaganist in a hentai and its only a matter of time until I have my own harem.

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NOISEBOB wrote

did your wife see your raddle forum yet?

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asterism OP wrote

Replying to NOISEBOB (#265,145)

If you mean that one post in particular, no not yet I am still planning things out I have a lot to sort through before I feel ready for anything like divorce.

If you mean the entire forum itself.

Lol, lets hope that day never comes (or maybe that'd be a good thing idk).

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lettuceLeafer wrote

Replying to !deleted30 (#265,177)

Hey, I wanted to check in. While I appreciate your takes on international conflicts an feminism I would like to let you know that asterisms has made several posts about how their wife is unobjectably abusive. So I wanted to make sure you had that context.

I wouldn't want there to be a big raddle drama in meta if it's just a case of you not reading some of asterisms many posts. I'm not mad or anything I just wanted to let you know so there doesn't end up being conflict that was unnecessary.

I honestly was really confused because with context your comments come off as something your wouldn't say. So I wanted to make sure you had full context.

To be clear not calling you out or anything. Just letting you know that you comments might be sending people who get abused a message you don't intend to be sending due to lack of info. Which is ok as people aren't expected to read all the posts on raddle.

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asterism OP wrote

Replying to !deleted30 (#265,177)

This is how she has been from the beginning when my heart was 110% in it. This is who she is. This is the way she treats her friends when they hang out with people that arent her. This is not my fault, this is not my problem. I am as loyal as a fucking dog and I fucking hate that about myself I do not deserve this.

Please stop taking my wife's side on everything.

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lettuceLeafer wrote

Replying to !deleted30 (#265,187)

You are going to have to do better than that. You have spent a lot of effort playing defense for abuse. Saying I'm sorry where you both tried to minimize your harm to me by saying how you didn't mean it. Then in your non apology to asterism you literally won't even apologize. You just minimized your harm and covered up what you did under the guise of an apology.

You have genuinely hurt asterisms, and not just that I know there are other people who are being abused on this website who watched you defend abuse. And we don't know how much you hurt them. You could have been the deciding factor between one of them reaching out for support. You made raddle a not safe space for victims of abuse.

I think you should take a break, cool down and think about what you have done. Then write up a real apology to people on the site so they know you won't continue your behavior. I know from when you have called people out before you wouldn't accept this cop out, so I think its fair to hold you to the same standards you have helped make precedent. You have spent much much more time calling out people for less harmful behavior than you have put into your "apology". Honestly this comment counts as doubling down because its purpose is to not hold yourself accountable. Not apologize.

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lettuceLeafer wrote

Replying to !deleted30 (#265,191)

On raddle there is allways a big spectacle where the person who has done harm goes

no I didn't do anything wrong. Everyone is overreacting

Until its this long as thread. A while passes, emotions chill, then a genuine conversation happens. I'm not going to interact with you until everyone has had time to cool off. I say a 24 hours minimum. And I DO NOT look favorably onto you that you tried to message asterism and go against my advice. Honestly I don't take it favorably that you tried to make your accountability process hidden. That has never been the case and you know that. So I'm going to take it in bad faith.

You need to be quiet and reflect for at least 24hrs. Then I'll talk. I ain't going to make a spectacle that hurts everyone that you have done harm so you can have a temper tantrum. Because humans are animals and when we feel slited we aren't reasonable. We need time to cool off.

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