Submitted by Mockingboy in AskRaddle

So two months ago I said to myself that i'm being weak and that i'm pathetic for being lonely and feeling sorry for it without changing anything. So I started to try to meet people in order to make some friends. I tried in person and online and the result was the same. People talk to me for 5 minutes in average and after this they ignore me. I tried telling them jokes, fun facts, and small talk in order to keep them engaged in conversation. I even tried talking to people that have the same interest as me. The result was the same. After 5-15 minutes, during wich they kind of want to talk to me, they ignore me forever. So after this experiment the conclusion is simple: I am destined to be alone forever. So who is interested to be friends for another 5 minutes can send me e message. I will make those 5 minutes worth your while. Thanks for reading

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An_Old_Big_Tree wrote

I tried telling them jokes, fun facts, and small talk in order to keep them engaged in conversation

It sounds like you might be coming on a bit strong and that it might seem a bit forced.

If you wanna get to know people, organically is probably best. Sometimes it takes a long time. So explore your interests, outside of whoever might be involved. Me personally I'm interested in making anarchy, so I seek out anarchic spaces and events, and take my time trying to find my own way in them. At the same time I do my best to try to be someone who does right by other people and myself. Over time, certain people recognise those things and we become friends.

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Mockingboy OP wrote

I tried being in groups, but I'm always seen as an outsider even after a long period of time

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registrant wrote

I will talk to you right here, if that's OK with you.

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Mockingboy OP wrote

Okay, 5 minutes friend

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registrant wrote

Tell me about yourself.

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Mockingboy OP wrote

What do you want to know?

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registrant wrote

Whatever you want to tell me.

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Mockingboy OP wrote

I like videogames, programming, music, art

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registrant wrote

What do you program?

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Mockingboy OP wrote

Well that is my job. I write android apps

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registrant wrote

Cool. I used to be a programmer. I still code occasionally for fun.

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registrant wrote

In a few days I will be doing this: https://adventofcode.com/

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Mockingboy OP wrote

That's cool. I didn't heard about this challenge

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registrant wrote

It's free and maybe you'll meet people.

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Mockingboy OP wrote

Where are you from btw?

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registrant wrote

New York City. You?

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Mockingboy OP wrote

Tho I won't participate cause work gets me depleted. Cause the tls are asking for almost impossible things done fast

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celebratedrecluse wrote

Yes, especially once you start thinking of yourself as the sort of person who is going to be alone forever.

Self-actualization is incredibly common, and usually results in one becoming whatever horrible depiction of oneself you happen to have

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d4rk wrote

It's almost impossible to be alone

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[deleted] wrote

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d4rk wrote

I actually thought destined to be alone is the physical part, loneliness is something much more deep or in some cases worse

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mofongo wrote

I don't think anyone is destined to be alone, first I don't believe in destiny and I believe loneliness is relative. Some people prefer company of animals, there's people that have found peace and comfort in minimal contact with others without having a deep connection and I've even known people that prefer to be left alone but manage to attract people towards them. In part, you need to figure out what would you like for yourself, a few good friends, an amorphous social network or something else.

About the text, it sounds that you're trying too hard to make them like you instead of making a genuine attempt to know people. Socialization is a skill that needs practice, not a bullet point of things to do. There's a book you might be interested in "How to win friends and influence people" by Dale Carnegie, it's pretty effective in teaching how to reach people in ways that they want to reprocicate.

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Mockingboy OP wrote

I just want people that I can talk to

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registrant wrote

In modern cultures, when meeting people, you're supposed to keep your loneliness a secret. It's like trying to make a business deal when the other guy knows you have no money.

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registrant wrote

You understand the deal-making nature of friendships when you say "I will make those 5 minutes worth your while."

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ItsBad wrote (edited by a moderator )

There are few people in this world that are worth being friends with. Being alone can get to you but it's better than being polluted by abusers.

You are surrounded by fake people who are hiding very important things from you.

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registrant wrote

But you only need a few people. Also, fake people can be rescued if you're willing to put in the work. (Granted, it can take a lot of work!)

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Majrelende wrote (edited )

For a while, I thought so for myself, but I might have been wrong as of recent times.

I am generally on the other side of the continuum— I find it hard to connect with people because I am easily intimidated by even mildly personal questions, which can lead to vague and insubstantial discussion and eventually nothing.

From my experience, at least, it can be easier if you already know of someone with common interests to talk with and only speak personally once you feel comfortable speaking together— it removes the difficulty of having to find a foothold on a well-sanded hillside.

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ziq wrote

Hell is other people. Some of us need to be alone or the anxiety of dealing with other people's shitty energy makes us despondent.

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