Submitted by Majrelende in AskRaddle

I had accidentally deleted this post, so here it is:

I generally try to be friendly— I help people when I can, and I aim not to get in their ways, but in general, I feel that I am not being so as much as I would like to be— and that my tongue can be a little sharp in both what I do not say and sometimes what I do say.

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An_Old_Big_Tree wrote

I try to really listen to people, think about what they say, and respond appropriately.

I also work to keep in mind all the ways that the world is built to make me invisibilise and dehumanise groups of people, and I try to give everyone their due, sensitive to the systemic barriers between us.

I also keep my criticisms to myself just a little bit longer, because sometimes I've misunderstood, or sometimes I wouldn't express it in the right way. Every criticism should make both me and them better at being a person.

I try to express when I like something.

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Majrelende OP wrote

Deleted comments:

bavkaha

practice saying validating things in the mirror at home, or while driving. little things like "nice hair!" or "good work on that report" can be really uplifting. but it's best when you've taken the time to notice when someone is putting in effort or is really doing well at something, and remark on it, like, once. and being kind to people behind their backs is very important too, eg sticking up for a friend or acquaintance when someone is being unfair.

penis

Give some examples of what you mean. It's impossible to understand what you're talking about without that crucial context.

MichaelPemulis

This can become a complicated topic very quickly and I feel text is an awful medium to discuss this... but I'll try to share some thoughts and personal examples:

Explore the beliefs/principles that you wish to act on. Merely desiring to be nice won't take anyone very far if it isn't rooted in strong personal values and commitments.

  • Personally, I want to cultivate community wherever I go and make people I interact with feel loved. Lofty ambitions I suppose, but a few years ago I turned that into a commitment - to make everyone I speak with feel a little bit more heard, cared for, less alone, etc after we're done interacting.

Try to be present when interacting with another person. Though I loathe the neoliberal commodification of "mindfulness", my personal definition of "mindfulness" is broadly something to do with an awareness of oneself and one's environment. In practical terms, that means when I'm interacting with another person I try to:

  • Observe... but without being a creep. Pay attention to facial expressions (imo best way to gauge how someone feels about what you're saying, thus giving you immediate non-verbal feedback you can use), eye contact or lack thereof and body language.

  • Slow. The. Fuck. Down. Take a deep breath after you finish a sentence. Keep your body still and relaxed. Observe any thoughts passing through your head without judgement or attachment.

  • Make eye contact when asking someone a question or saying something kind.

Refine your habits, patterns of speech, and practice.

  • I have eliminated certain words from my vocabulary. I never use the word "should" because I believe it is inherently coercive. I do not use the word "need". I try to always speak with gender neutral language. There's a hundred more of these in my brain somewhere.

  • If someone offers you a compliment, say "thank you". If someone thanks you, say "you're welcome". Don't dodge these things with humility or insecurity - you're invalidating someone's gift of gratitude when compliments or thanks are not accepted. And that's a shitty thing to do imo

  • Every low-stakes interaction (cashier, bus driver, faceless bureaucrat, etc) is as an ideal opportunity to practice being kind to people. Goddammit you're gonna try your best to give that cashier a tiny respite from their hellish job and make them feel cared for, even if only for a brief moment. Be genuine. Ask someone how they are doing and fucking mean it. If someone asks how you're doing, be honest. Don't ever be afraid to come off as awkward or weird because it's going to happen eventually. No one ultimately gives a shit and you'll be forgotten about in minutes.

...that was a weird rant (I maaaybe took twice my prescribed adderall dose today) but I hope you can find something useful or thought-provoking in that wall of text

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6c_6f_76_65 wrote

I seek to ask questions. Ask if I can hold the door for them or help load their car when they have their hands full or if an object looks bulky and heavy.

Every time I receive service that made me feel good I compliment the person, let them know they brought a smile to my face, and if I have time I will seek out the manager and also comment on the exceptional service. If I don't have time I make sure to send a letter to their corporate office.

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rot wrote

sympathy- put yourself in their shoes

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Catsforfun wrote

i would just ask for feedback. I feel like an asshole a lot of the time, but it's just in my head.

Ask ppl how their day was , and how they have been and jut go from there. Showing an interest in someone's life and wellbeing is nice. Sharing a joke or a story.

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admt0l0k0 wrote

Social Networks are not niceness contests specially antifascist and anarchist crowded surroudings , we consider many polite nice people , sociopaths and assassins within the closet wanting to get out . So , you need to focus on being sincere , using the correct words ...

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