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MichaelPemulis wrote

This can become a complicated topic very quickly and I feel text is an awful medium to discuss this... but I'll try to share some thoughts and personal examples:

Explore the beliefs/principles that you wish to act on. Merely desiring to be nice won't take anyone very far if it isn't rooted in strong personal values and commitments.

  • Personally, I want to cultivate community wherever I go and make people I interact with feel loved. Lofty ambitions I suppose, but a few years ago I turned that into a commitment - to make everyone I speak with feel a little bit more heard, cared for, less alone, etc after we're done interacting.

Try to be present when interacting with another person. Though I loathe the neoliberal commodification of "mindfulness", my personal definition of "mindfulness" is broadly something to do with an awareness of oneself and one's environment. In practical terms, that means when I'm interacting with another person I try to:

  • Observe... but without being a creep. Pay attention to facial expressions (imo best way to gauge how someone feels about what you're saying, thus giving you immediate non-verbal feedback you can use), eye contact or lack thereof and body language.

  • Slow. The. Fuck. Down. Take a deep breath after you finish a sentence. Keep your body still and relaxed. Observe any thoughts passing through your head without judgement or attachment.

  • Make eye contact when asking someone a question or saying something kind.

Refine your habits, patterns of speech, and practice.

  • I have eliminated certain words from my vocabulary. I never use the word "should" because I believe it is inherently coercive. I do not use the word "need". I try to always speak with gender neutral language. There's a hundred more of these in my brain somewhere.

  • If someone offers you a compliment, say "thank you". If someone thanks you, say "you're welcome". Don't dodge these things with humility or insecurity - you're invalidating someone's gift of gratitude when compliments or thanks are not accepted. And that's a shitty thing to do imo

  • Every low-stakes interaction (cashier, bus driver, faceless bureaucrat, etc) is as an ideal opportunity to practice being kind to people. Goddammit you're gonna try your best to give that cashier a tiny respite from their hellish job and make them feel cared for, even if only for a brief moment. Be genuine. Ask someone how they are doing and fucking mean it. If someone asks how you're doing, be honest. Don't ever be afraid to come off as awkward or weird because it's going to happen eventually. No one ultimately gives a shit and you'll be forgotten about in minutes.

...that was a weird rant (I maaaybe took twice my prescribed adderall dose today) but I hope you can find something useful or thought-provoking in that wall of text

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bavkaha wrote

that was a good rant! i love the bit about giving cashiers a little respite, that really goes a long way.

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penis wrote

Give some examples of what you mean. It's impossible to understand what you're talking about without that crucial context.

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bavkaha wrote

practice saying validating things in the mirror at home, or while driving. little things like "nice hair!" or "good work on that report" can be really uplifting. but it's best when you've taken the time to notice when someone is putting in effort or is really doing well at something, and remark on it, like, once. and being kind to people behind their backs is very important too, eg sticking up for a friend or acquaintance when someone is being unfair.

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