Comments
bavkaha wrote
that was a good rant! i love the bit about giving cashiers a little respite, that really goes a long way.
penis wrote
Give some examples of what you mean. It's impossible to understand what you're talking about without that crucial context.
bavkaha wrote
practice saying validating things in the mirror at home, or while driving. little things like "nice hair!" or "good work on that report" can be really uplifting. but it's best when you've taken the time to notice when someone is putting in effort or is really doing well at something, and remark on it, like, once. and being kind to people behind their backs is very important too, eg sticking up for a friend or acquaintance when someone is being unfair.
MichaelPemulis wrote
This can become a complicated topic very quickly and I feel text is an awful medium to discuss this... but I'll try to share some thoughts and personal examples:
Observe... but without being a creep. Pay attention to facial expressions (imo best way to gauge how someone feels about what you're saying, thus giving you immediate non-verbal feedback you can use), eye contact or lack thereof and body language.
Slow. The. Fuck. Down. Take a deep breath after you finish a sentence. Keep your body still and relaxed. Observe any thoughts passing through your head without judgement or attachment.
Make eye contact when asking someone a question or saying something kind.
I have eliminated certain words from my vocabulary. I never use the word "should" because I believe it is inherently coercive. I do not use the word "need". I try to always speak with gender neutral language. There's a hundred more of these in my brain somewhere.
If someone offers you a compliment, say "thank you". If someone thanks you, say "you're welcome". Don't dodge these things with humility or insecurity - you're invalidating someone's gift of gratitude when compliments or thanks are not accepted. And that's a shitty thing to do imo
Every low-stakes interaction (cashier, bus driver, faceless bureaucrat, etc) is as an ideal opportunity to practice being kind to people. Goddammit you're gonna try your best to give that cashier a tiny respite from their hellish job and make them feel cared for, even if only for a brief moment. Be genuine. Ask someone how they are doing and fucking mean it. If someone asks how you're doing, be honest. Don't ever be afraid to come off as awkward or weird because it's going to happen eventually. No one ultimately gives a shit and you'll be forgotten about in minutes.
...that was a weird rant (I maaaybe took twice my prescribed adderall dose today) but I hope you can find something useful or thought-provoking in that wall of text