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6c_6f_76_65 wrote

Mentally, not doing well. I appear to be suffering from a major case of imposter syndrome. I need to change how I evaluate my life. I am learning and hopefully doing better but at the end of the day I don't feel like I have really helped myself or others.

Emotionally I am pretty fucked up. My friends are suffering and I don't know what I can do to help. It hurts to watch them suffer. I know they want and need help but I don't know what to do or say when someone's family are fucking religious hypocrites and then hurt their kids because they are transphobic.

Physically I am broken this week. My legs, back, shoulders and neck are sore as hell. I constantly have to tell myself to keep my shoulders back and bend at the knee not the waist. I am disappointed with how physically weak I am. I have next to zero testosterone. I started taking shots but I am not seeing any difference. I am willing to bet the average 13 year old could kick my ass.

Overall I do feel good. I helped build a huge 1/2 acre garden. Harvested and donated 16 pounds of squash. I have about 300 seeds starting to show their first leaf. I have just about every manual tool I need to help me be more efficient in my garden. And just about reached my savings goal for a truck.

I need to find a new job so I can be in a better financial position. I would like to stop lifting so I can remove that constant fear that today may be the day I get caught.

I feel fucking awesome that I have found this space, people are helpful, I feel I learn so much from reading posts, and I beyond over joyed with the motivation comments people have sent. For once in my life I feel I can be honest, vulnerable, and feel safe that someone cares enough to send me messages that help me feel good about my life.