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Calling people out, feelings, is there some text I could read?

Submitted by Freux in AskRaddle (edited )

Edit:

Read from Accountability and Abuse forums, read some good stuff but felt like not much dealt with how to handle people with clashing personality and actions, how to call out, where does it crosses the line etc.

Thank you all for your opinions and guidance.

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4

Tequila_Wolf wrote (edited )

If people find some articles, post them to f/Accountability. There's been a lot said on it but I've never been too involved in those kind of spaces.

Also f/Abuse.

4

flicker wrote (edited )

are you saying Greg excuses everyone's shitty behavior but makes an exception for Mary who he blames for getting frustrated with his (perceived) stubborn sense of justice? That sounds like some ridiculously reactionary hypocrisy of Greg . Is Mary mad only that Greg doesn't seem to effectively convey the anger or because she suspects he doesn't feel angry when he obviously should -from a reasonable, decent person's perspective such as greg's or Mary's?

1

Freux wrote

That's my thought of Greg too but Mary is in a world of hurt and self-doubt.

It's both, like passive-agressive is their only form of "anger" and it seems only used when they attack Mary on how she expresses her feeling. When it's about others they excuse everything with like "they had a hard life", "they didn't know any better" instead of agreeing that a situation is fucked up.

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flicker wrote (edited )

a situation is fucked up. I bet Greg is angry and just expresses it elsewhere in other ways systemic and personal . it feels fucked up to think that Greg would attack Mary for expressing her feeling. I don't understand that.
when they seemingly excuse these others are they failing to relate with or honor Mary's madness, doubt and pain , wanting in their ethical responsibility to accountability ? Is a radical understanding the causes of suffering and openness to uplifting-forgiveness and effort to counseling resolution the same as them excusing the behaviors that perpetuate ignorant suffering and misery?

1

LanguageBot wrote

I've noticed you used the ableist word "mad" in your comment, please refrain from doing so.
Consider instead: wild, confusing, unpredictable, impulsive, reckless, fearless, lives on the edge, thrill-seeker, risk-taker, out of control, scary

2

flicker wrote (edited )

Yeah I first thought to say "upset" "annoyed" "offended" , but sometimes I precariously say the wrong thing in trying to communicate anger. I think I want to dissolve / deconstruct my anger and and reconcentrate ( or diffuse? ) into a positive force. Anyway , where do you get the notion that my referring to Mary as mad is ableist ? Mary got mad.

1

Freux wrote

I thought it was a matter of context? Like "mad" as being angry is fine but "mad" in like "this guy is mad!" is wrong as it's like using "crazy".

1

flicker wrote (edited )

I think it's the other way around tho. There's nothing wrong with being crazy but reducing madness to anger marginalizes the mad maybe

1

LanguageBot wrote

I've noticed you used the ableist word "lame" in your comment, please refrain from doing so.
Consider instead: boring, uninteresting, monotonous, lacks excitement, uncool, out of fashion (if using metaphors); physically disabled person, person with a mobility impairment, paralyzed person (if referring to a disabled person)

3

kore wrote

i mean the classic mediation advice for Mary would be to call "in" Greg on their behavior for a discussion as opposed to calling them "out" with an insult.

1

Freux wrote (edited )

From what I understand, the insult came out after the calling in because Greg keep making excuses for bad behaviour and because that's their personality they believe Mary shouldn't judge that, so Greg got called spineless/push over.

Edit: by calling out I meant calling in, it happened privately.

-1

BADC wrote

This is passive-aggressive, triangulating Greg, probably standing up for a friend. This is Mary not knowing how to react cleverly and defaulting to verbal injury. Greg uses his passive-aggressive BS once again on Mary and then they go to bed.

Psychology 101. There are so many books on this your eyeballs will fall out looking at them all. Keywords passive, aggressive and triangulation will take you a ways down the road as far as looking at books goes.

1

Freux wrote

I don't see the triangulating aspect of it, care to explain?

-1

BADC wrote

When you complain about someone to another, (team building) it turns it into a triangulating situation because there are 3 people involved. Not hard. Oh, triangulating can get much worse as the situation evolves.

Here's the form letter for you too:

Thanks for chiming in everyone. I put a little fib in this after baiting Ziq the other day. I did it for a reason.

Here it is.

I have been an anarchist for a long, long time. When a person starts to engage with anarchists they are directed to reading materials usually. I've seen the same here; great. What I do not agree with is how people get patronized by anarchists. Over and over people are harassed and questioned. This is a big reason why Reddit threw you out. I don't care about that too much and I applaud Ziq & Emma for making this Raddle thing happen.

It's another academic ivory tower IMO. All you have is polemics from an academic standpoint that is very different from reality. That is my only point from yesterdays DOD locker room comment. It was a fib and not a fib because I was in a base because of my social engineering. I wasn't a cop or a seal or whatever. I don't belong to you or anyone. If I told you everything that I have been through as an anarchist you wouldn't believe me.

So what are you doing here? You're burning a fellow anarchist that set you up to burn an anarchist. I don't care about your marginalized thoughts very much. It's like cutting off your nose to spite your face. You'll never organize because you are scared to death and you are on a constant watch for your enemies.

I didn't vote for anyone. I wasn't in Charlottesville. You're not a victim of a big bad white guy trying to take away your big-person anarchist card.

Socially I haunt the margins; so I'm marginalized too. You so called anarchists do not behave much differently than fascists IMO. You pull the same crap by coming at me with your clique. As far as alpha beta stuff goes, if you fuckers pull this shit on the street, you'll see my click.

4

theheart wrote

If I told you everything that I have been through as an anarchist you wouldn't believe me.

/f/IAmVeryBadass

1

Freux wrote

So people involved in a conflict can't talk to other people to gather opinions? Sounds like bullshit to me.

Does that letter means that you are leaving raddle?

-2

BADC wrote

Talking, writing, conflict, questioning? You mean abrading anyone new into oblivion? Do you think that I feel Raddle is totally safe? I don't think so. It could be a government project to twist the radical left into endless polemics. I'm agitating for anarchism to be more empirical. Anarchists are all talk most of the time. They feed into the system instead of trying to create a bubble for us. The edges of the bubble is where the compromises are made around the group. Living together on the land would create real empirical lessons if we can figure out how to make that bubble without getting crushed. Raddle is a little, tiny bubble all for you and your specially constructed reality of denial.

Why would I leave Raddle? Why would I stay? I don't really care. I was bored with the news one day and popped over here to read your stuff. So I started my shifty project. It's funny that a good social engineer could come in here and smooze you into whatever they liked. You react like most people when being fed.

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theheart wrote

It's funny that a good social engineer could come in here and smooze you into whatever they liked. You react like most people when being fed.

Literally everything you say sounds dumb as fuck and like you wish you were in Code Geass.

-1

LanguageBot wrote

I've noticed you used the ableist word "dumb" in your comment, please refrain from doing so.
Consider instead: dense, ignorant, lacks understanding, impulsive, risk-taker, uninformed, silly, foolish (to replace metaphor); nonspeaking, nonverbal, person with a speech impairment, person with a cognitive disability, Deaf person, hard of hearing person (to refer to a Deaf or disabled person)

Discussion about the words here.
-2

BADC wrote

WTF is Code Geass? Explain that and then explain how you are a fortress against social engineering.