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edmund_the_destroyer wrote (edited )

When we reported it to our school, they interviewed our child, the bullies, our child's friends, the bullies' friends, and some kids that were in the same classrooms but not friends of either side. Each interview was one on one, and they just told each child that someone had noticed the bullying and contacted the school administration.

They got some picture of the situation which they shared with us in general terms, and they wouldn't tell us what was said but provided a list of times they called the other kids' parents to discuss the situation. It seemed to improve the situation slightly.

I know a lot of advice is to just tell your kid to fight back, but in our case we have two reasons not to say that:

  1. Our son is one of the largest boys in the school, and his bullies are girls.
  2. A big part of the feedback from the kids, even from my son's closest friends, was that he was causing more trouble than he was getting. So either the girls were extraordinarily skilled at saving the worst emotional abuse for when no one else was around, or he had (has?) tunnel vision and doesn't realize that if you insult someone and they insult you back it does not make you the innocent victim.

As a parent the whole situation drove me nuts, because I was left wondering if my own kid was being secretly terrorized by an especially vicious group of girls. Or if he was, in fact, the actual bully and they were just defending themselves but he had no idea. And we couldn't even confront him with the situation and ask for more information, because it would reveal that his own best buddies didn't back him up when the school counselors asked their view of the situation. We stay in touch with the counseling staff at the school and have him in counseling. He thinks it's for dealing with bullies, but a large part of it is to help him understand and empathize better with others.

I hope like hell I'm not raising an asshole jock.


rot wrote

I was in school a few years ago and most kids are assholes in school just as the result of pressure.