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this_one wrote

I mostly know her from her older videos (before she came out/IDed as trans), when she would describe herself as a 'trap' and stuff (it's been a minute, it might have been some other slur(s), I'm not 100% sure), so I've not really liked her since then, and I've definitely not made any effort to seek her videos out because of that, even when youtube tries to recommend them to me. The few more recent videos of hers I've watched have definitely made me uncomfortable, which, on one hand, I get the impression is kind of the point, but I think at least a fair amount of my discomfort is still in the way she talks about trans stuff (as well as discomfort of having my political views challenged, though it's not always easy for me to tell the two apart).

I do broadly enjoy hbomberguy's content, and I get the impression the two are fairly close friends, so I guess she's probably not as bad as I think she is, but my first reaction to finding out someone likes her is still definitely to feel wary of that person.

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GrimWillow wrote

I haven't seen too many of her videos, but the ones I have seen haven't been too bad. She had a "Tiffany Tumbles" episode recently that touched on the use of the word "trap", but I didn't get the impression that she really would want to be identified with the term because she made a decent argument on why it's problematic. If she used to identify this way, maybe she changed her mind. I almost think this "Tiffany Tumbles" character could be a side of her that she used to be.

She seems to take an anti-alt-right stance, and really enjoys creating somewhat disturbing and creative content. I can't say I like, or agree with, everything she has to say, but overall I have enjoyed her style and wit. Plus, I enjoy seeing a trans person do relatively well in the cess-pool of trans-misogyny known as youtube.

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this_one wrote (edited )

I'm gonna be honest, I first watched her videos probably over a year ago, so my memory isn't the clearest. I might not have been 'trap', specifically, but she definitely used words for herself which made me uncomfortable, especially since (at the time) she was also saying she was cis.

I definitely get why some trans people reclaim the word trap for themselves, and if that's what they want to do, that's awesome, but when cis people do it, it feels a bit icky to me (even if, consciously, I understand that cis crossdressers might share a bunch of the same experiences as trans people that spur them to do that)

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rot wrote

Has she ever IDed as a 'trap'? I knew she said she was genderqueer before coming out as a transwomen

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this_one wrote

It would definitely have been before she identified as genderqueer (tbh, I didn't even realise that she doesn't still), but also, it was a long time ago, so my memory's pretty foggy, so I can't say 100% that 'trap' was the word (or words?), nor can I say that she took it as a full on identity.

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rot wrote

She's poked fun at her femininity before she came out as trans so that may be what you're thinking of.

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this_one wrote

Maybe. If that is it, she did do it in a way that made me uncomfortable (which I'm sure was not the intention but yea)

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MichaelPemulis wrote

This is a total digression from the main topic here (and I in no way am trying to be antagonistic - please tell me if it comes off that way) but I wonder what your thoughts are on reframing "made me uncomfortable" into something like "I felt uncomfortable?" I found that when I've used the phrase "made me" to describe an emotional response to someone's behaviour - "you made me angry, that makes me upset" - it ended up subconsciously reinforcing a sort of "toxic passivity" in myself. Where I ultimately didn't feel that I had the power to control my experiences/responses to shit which... kinda caused a lot of problems for me. Like when someone gets in an argument and says, "you make me so mad!", I feel like it's both unfair to the other person and also dangerous in that it gives away your agency to someone/something else.

Or maybe I just wrote a bunch of pretentious gobbledygook idk

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this_one wrote

That's interesting, and I do think it is useful, so thank you. I'll try to keep in in mind in the future.

That said, I'm not 100% sure if I fully understand the difference, or what would have been better to say. I will definitely stew on this idea.

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MichaelPemulis wrote

I don't believe in better or worse, just whatever works best for you. I guess in a broader sense, what I was trying to talk about was, well the importance of language in shaping our experiences/identity. A few years ago I found that when I said "that makes me X" as opposed to "I'm Y" or "I feel Z", the "makes me" portion actually had pretty big implications about what I was actually saying about reality. And not just implications, but the words ended up defining my experience and reaction. If someone makes me feel an emotion, I've turned my agency over to them but if I merely experience the feeling passing through - this ties into mindfulness I suppose - I am not creating an artificial power dynamic where someone has the capacity to make me feel something.

I have a feeling, I experience it. And if I slow down enough, I can choose to attach to that emotion or I can let it float away. I don't mean this to sound like Randian nonsense, but I am ultimately in control of my emotional landscape not someone/something else. This idea of taking agency over my inner world was pretty instrumental in my development as a person and helped me find strength to break free from some really nightmarishly shity situations.

Man I've been rambling a lot today

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pretzel_logic wrote

I do find some of the visual art/imagery in her videos disturbing. Well, I'll checkout Youtuber hbomberguy.