Comments

You must log in or register to comment.

10

bloodrose wrote

I haven't figured it out, honestly. I usually just say nothing despite feeling a seething rage. I work with this one woman who is obviously racist, though she doesn't out and out say it. She does cut off conversations with the "Well, ANYONE can be offended by ANYTHING these days!" which seems to me like a code for "I'm racist. I'm racist. I am so fucking racist." I have not figured out how to deal with her. One of these days, I'm going to stop being quiet and say "Well, that's just because you're a racist, Jennifer."

2

nuvpr wrote

She's not wrong though. If she's being subtle with her racism then you can be subtle too when replying to her, and subtlety goes a long way in driving the message across clearly but respectfully... How is she racist, if I may ask?

2

bloodrose wrote

The problem is it is so flipping subtle. The comment about people being offended was in response to someone saying that the group Halloween costume theme of voodoo was culturally appropriation (it was - and I'm pissed the white boss chose it for her mostly white employees. I had to look up celtic stuff that seemed to fit so as not to feel like an asshole). She called Black Panther so controversial, and repeated the fake news about white people being beaten up at theaters watching the movie. So, nothing actually racist, just enough to know that she is racist.

10

Dumai wrote

they're forced to be around me too

so constant mockery

1

[deleted] wrote (edited )

2

Dumai wrote

Two wrongs don't make a right.

true but mocking bigots isn't wrong so

1

[deleted] wrote (edited )

2

Dumai wrote

in my time there've been several occasions i've been mocked for being shit and i count those occasions among the important formative experiences of my life. i'm as prone to fucking up as anybody and when i fuck up i deserve to be called a fuck up! god knows what i'd be like now if none of that had happened to me

1

[deleted] wrote (edited )

3

Dumai wrote

a very important part of this learning experience is coming to terms with the fact there are consequences for being an asshole. i've lost some friendships over shit i used to believe - namely the very militant atheism of my teenage years - and i'd be lying if i said i was happy about it at the time, but it's definitely what i needed. and these days most of the social circles i'm involved in are religious and/or interfaith!

Don't try to make me into the bad guy

you're the one arguing that we need accommodate bigots and "nurture the good in them", how are you not the bad guy here

-1

[deleted] wrote (edited )

3

DaisyDisaster wrote

So I guess that means you don't follow your own advice. Why, then, would you expect others to?

2

Dumai wrote

can you believe this guy went from "be a teacher, not a tyrant" to "I WILL PUNCH YOU FOR DISAGREEING WITH ME"

1

[deleted] wrote (edited )

2

DaisyDisaster wrote

I will not be talked down to by such a hate-filled ass clown like that, though. By his own admission, this is how he learns, so I was only giving him what he asked for. If you don't like it, that's just too damn bad.

Isn't a bigot getting what they asked for when they are mocked? How come Dumai "asks" for that by pissing you off but a bigot doesn't "ask" for it when they demean and dehumanize whole groups of people?

7

dkplayaclub wrote

I try to find something we have in common and build form there. The only way to turn a bitter person around is with kindness. Being a total douche-nozzle right off the bat is only going to make them pull back and double down on their negativity.

If we can't just get along, I then just disassociate myself with them. let them think or be whatever they like, all by themselves. I'm not narcissistic enough to think it's my job to tell other people what to think or how to act.

7

SaucyKing wrote

Can I give a personal story real quick?

I work at a car dealership as a lowly wrench jockey. One of the other guys just got his master certification. I gave him the obligatory congratulations (I actually was happy for him, at first.)

Then he and another guy started making "massa" jokes at me, and me only. "Haha you have to call him massa now"

Would they have even THOUGHT to say that if I was white? I don't fucking think so. They stopped making the jokes, but I'm still forced to be around these dickheads for 8 hours a day. I seriously contemplated switching jobs.

I don't know how I deal with it. People tell you that you don't have to, but you do in reality. I live in southeast Louisiana! If I get a job elsewhere, it will just be more of the same.

-5

[deleted] wrote (edited by a moderator )

2

ziq wrote

You're not as interesting as you think you are. Fuck off now.

5

jadedctrl wrote (edited )

I'm just weak and non-confrontational, so I don't make a peep unless it's really bad: then, I'll say a thing or two to them, but not much.
I wish I were the type to barge into conversation when someone says something bigoted and shitty. But since I'm not, I guess I'll just keep seething...

2

BrownieKage wrote

I'm like this too, and I'm terrified of certain interactions (especially those that might end up with me being screamed at) However, I've been learning to not just seethe and drown myself in self-righteous rage. I'm trying to use that energy to do something useful and stop that negative self-talk of being a coward for not speaking up. Sometimes I post about it on twitter, both what the bigot did and my thoughts on it. that alone helps me a lot to stop obsessing about how I was unable to stand up to them. it also has the added benefit of teaching other people about why that thing is bigoted and encourage them to stop acting that way (I know I've discoreved a lot of my own bigoted mindsets like this). and sometimges people answer my tweets with new insights, so it can generate a really interesting conversation. I also want to learn to use that energy to do art: draw a small comic, write an introspective piece or an essay, make an illustration or a slogan; that kind of thing

TL;DR: bearing with bigots sucks, but if confrontation is not your strongest suit there are other constructive things that you can do with your rage and get something good out of the interaction

5

buttfucker wrote

Realise that we're not forced to be around anyone and develop the ability to cut anyone from your life at any time.

6

bloodrose wrote

Sometimes we don't have a choice at work. But we can try to avoid the conversations with them where they will show off their bigotry.

4

Franz_trashka wrote

Personally I've found that saying "hey pipe down you big ole bigot" loud enough for others to hear gets them to be quiet. Only issue is the amount of drama afterwards... I'm not well liked at work [:

3

bloodrose wrote

I was bit on the loud side when responding to her claim that there was controversy around Black Panther when I said "only from racists."

5

dragontology wrote

I simply try to be a better person, not than the next person, but than the person I was the day before. I haven't had to deal so much with bigots who dislike me for being progressive so much as I feel that, as an Atheist, there's a greater expectation of morality. Christians have teachings from the Bible, but Atheists have only Humanism, and somehow that isn't as tangible, so I try to set the example.

I'm not always successful, but I try. I live in the South, so I'm in a hotbed for bigotry. I've just been rather fortunate.

3

braketheboxes wrote

Waves against a cliff face make a bigger splash than waves against a beach. Be the beach.

2

DaisyDisaster wrote

Unfortunately, most of the bigots I've encountered are in my family. I've confronted some in non-face-to-face encounters but it always makes family gatherings awkward.

1

kashbaba333 wrote

Let me quote, Leonardo Di Vinci here,

Nothing strengthens authority so much as silence.

So my advice, keep your dignity intact. People will be bigots anyway.

Also keep in mind, what George Bernard Shaw had said,

I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.

Hope it helps you!!

1

nuvpr wrote

The way you would handle anyone, by being respectful and civil as long as they are doing the same.

1

bromeo wrote (edited )

what do you mean by civil though ? why not constant sabotage to undermine their bigoted civility?

edit: and of course offering/ demonstrating another way . inviting even

-2

nuvpr wrote

By civil I mean not acting like a rabid animal and acting like a civilized human being instead. If the supposed bigot is not in your way then you shouldn't be in his/hers, there is absolutely no need to go out of your way to tell others you don't like them or don't like their beliefs. Not everyone thinks like you do and the sooner you accept this the happier you'll become.

P.S.: Violence and property destruction are not civil, and will only weaken your case.

1

jerrimu wrote

How are you forced though?

2

ziq wrote

family dinners, the workplace, school, roommates, neighbors, carpoolers, cops, etc, etc.

2

jerrimu wrote

I've always removed myself. I've asked customers to leave before, reported a manager to HR. I would just blast family or family friends. Cops is a tough one, I guess I would keep my mouth shut until I was in a position to push it up the ladder.

-2

[deleted] wrote (edited )

4

Dumai wrote

sexist jokes, what a great way to stick it to bigots

-1

[deleted] wrote (edited )

3

Dumai wrote

if you think jokes about women's promiscuity aren't sexist then you are not only a misogynist but a moron

-3

[deleted] wrote

3

Dumai wrote

I don't think any serious person would shame her for it.

then why resort to the same tired slut-shaming "your mom" jokes

-2

[deleted] wrote

7

DaisyDisaster wrote

Uh, slut shaming makes you a bigot towards women. Being a bigot to get under a bigot's skin is counterproductive.

1

[deleted] wrote

1

Dumai wrote

If someone calls you a slut and you feel shame, that shame is your choice. The person who called you names is not responsible for how you react to them.

how do you feel about racial slurs

i think i can already predict your answer

anyway no matter how somebody responds to this kind of insult, positively or negatively, it doesn't change the fact you are sexualising them against their will, which uh, is pretty shit

Anyway if you remember the made up situation we were talking about, no one was actually saying that any thing that an actual woman had done was slutty or shameful. It was a made up construct about a person's mom.

as if your mom jokes don't rely on the same old misogynist tropes that are used to attack and harass actual women