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Infinity wrote (edited )

It's important to me that people look natural, and care more about the inside than the outside. It's important to me that we are accepting of each other, and that we think more about issues to be accepting of each other on vs what we all look like.

That being said I am incredibly traumatized and affected by the capitalist machine that focuses on the vanity and preys upon our insecurities of wanting to fit in and look identical to every other empty Hollywood alien veneer.

I feel like I trust people more when they look like real people.

I can't bring myself to watch a modern show because of the lack of representation of regular looking people vs attractive people.

I wish it was socially acceptable to wear a bag over my head or a mask to hide what I look like. I don't like to show my face, my hair, my body... I feel people looking at me all the time, and I wish that people would all focus on their inner beauties more than the externals. More people would look at me if I went out dressed in ninja (anti) camouflage. I can see apps like instacart being popular for people who have social anxiety.

Now that we are becoming more accepting of different races, hair textures, skin, and eye colors, nose shapes, ect I'm becoming a little bit more comfortable with the way that I look. I obsess about what I look like much more than I feel comfortable admitting. I have undergone invasive beauty techniques which I feel conflicted about even spending the money on when there are people going hungry. I've dieted and worked out to unhealthy obsessions.

Being more aware to politics has helped me let go of these obsessions a little bit because I know that these emotions are nourishing the capitalist dream.

Our identities, especially our physical ones, are not necessarily our own. They are propaganda fed to us by capitalist motives. I'm mostly talking about the styles in which we express our physical identity, but also the physical way we look fashionable and "beautiful." The brands we wear and the hairstyles we choose... We learn these things from propaganda. I struggle knowing where to draw the line because I am a part of this world, and I don't want to starve. I want to be loved just like anyone else. I also feel like how I choose to look is no one's business. I'm such a mess when it comes to this topic. It's embarrassing to admit. I try really hard not to think about it. I often don't go out into the world because I think I'm too ugly. I live in a big city right now. I can't wait to go back to the nature. The city amplifies these feelings for me living in a box in the sea of mirrors.

As far as clothes go, I try to camouflage within my setting.