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groovygardener42069 wrote

Okay, and I've been victimized by real life humans with beating hearts who are sociopaths. As someone who is part of a group that is easily targeted for violence, particularly by those who are adept at manipulating social situations, I have no choice but to keep my guard up at all times. I'm aware of the distinction between the medical definition and the popular definition of the term, but there's also my personal definition of the term that I use to communicate to those I trust when I am concerned about my own personal safety. I don't know what to tell you in regards to that - I generally enjoy feeling safe in my own skin and I will do what it takes to ensure that happens.

A world where cheating is normalized (as opposed to a world where, say, polyamory is normalized) is a world that actively disregards my personal well-being. Why on earth would I ever want to work towards that?

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lettuceLeafer OP wrote

Don't u think it's worth considering why u consider being unable to restrict a intimate partners autonomy in a way that makes them more vulnerable and unhappy as an attack on your well being?

Why do u promote putting a partner that u care about and want to be healthy and safe in a position where they have to make a decision between getting no romantic connection from u or remain with u while having some of their essential emotional needs unmet.

I'm not saying this is happening in your current relationship. This does happen in many relationships that u are defending tho.

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groovygardener42069 wrote

My wife is fully comfortable being in a monogamous relationship. She may not be the best example though because she has been raped multiple times by different people and generally distrusts men.

I'm not promoting what you're implying I'm promoting. I'm promoting being up front about needs and intentions to ensure that trust isn't breached, especially when building a relationship predicated on whatever one's version of love is. I don't have the energy to be snarky right now, but this really feels like trying to have one's cake (the sexual freedom of a polyamorous relationship) and eat it too (the financial and emotional security of a monogamous relationship).

I have no qualms and project no moralism onto the concept of having multiple sexual partners. The -practice- of leading someone to believe something that is not true (one's willingness to commit to monogamy) in order to leverage sex and emotional intimacy is an ethical issue that I'm not willing to endorse. Have an orgy if you want - you can even invite me but I'll probably politely decline or just DJ the event without actively participating.

And honestly at this point I'm finding it hard to believe that multiple people, near as I can tell all of which appear to be men, are unable to see the distinction there.

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lettuceLeafer OP wrote (edited )

my wife is fully comfortable being in a monogamous relationship

Just bc someone agrees to something that doesn't mean it's devoid of harmful societal influences.

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[deleted] wrote (edited )

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lettuceLeafer OP wrote

There is no getting through the density of this poster. They have to constantly bring up "I am this," or "this happened to me," but trans people are just ID pol and made up words.

Honestly I was surprised in how quickly they were able to change their position a bit. Most of the times something as dramatic as pro cheating might take months of mulling over before people are ok with it. I consider the discussion far more effective than I was expecting. Tho I am disappointed that no one really had great anti cheating arguments, but the discussion was useful to me at least. Tho the gender assumptions were def a problem.

I wouldn't focus on upvotes too much. In my experience upvotes are just a score of what the lurkers think. The lurkers on this site in general aren't too ideologically solid and are influenced far more by non important factors such as if the person saying the take is a long term user of raddle.

Also they seem far less likely to critically evaluate their positions bc they don't openly say what they are thinking. They can have the shitty argument in their head, not critically analyze the belief and just dismiss the critique of their views as out of hand. The upvotes don't really matter bc it just shows what the sheeple like dorks think is good which I find completely unvaluable.

I just focus on stuff that people say and ignore upvotes tbh. Raddle generally is pretty interesting when talking with older users as they are used and well practiced in being critical of their own opinions. With new users discussion of more edgy takes get a lot of backlash bc they are still fairly resistant to critical deconstruction of everything. Thats at least how I look at things.

But I know how u feel bc stuff like this has happened b4. I made up a neopronoun that I thought was really funny which kinda viewed gender in a really abstract way that I found intereting and some of the poor lurkers got so upset they bothered to make accounts to tell me how I'm actually a cis man (im not) and how me pushing the gender envelope and having fun with it is demeaning to queer people. which was pretty fucking funny tbh.

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[deleted] wrote (edited )

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lettuceLeafer OP wrote

That's what happens when u are indoctrinated with a bunch of sucky lib ideals.

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[deleted] wrote (edited )

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groovygardener42069 wrote

Wow. I struck a nerve. Sorry.

I don't know what to tell you. I apologize for assuming your gender.

I don't apologize for navigating the world in a way that I see fit that allows me to minimize the harm brought upon me by others and maximizing the joy I can bring to the lives of those close to me.

I think at this point it might be better to cut our losses on this conversation. Clearly you don't place the same value on trust in intimate relationships as me. That's fine, I guess. I can't change that, nor do I have the energy left to continue arguing in circles about it.

I sincerely hope you have a great day

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[deleted] wrote (edited )

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groovygardener42069 wrote

Again, I don't know what to tell you. I sincerely apologize and I'm admitting that you have made me reconsider a couple of things that led me to project that onto the conversation.

And I wasn't being sarcastic in that last bit. It's okay if you value other things higher than trust in your intimate relationships.

However, I'm getting the feeling that you're just intentionally trying to trigger me at this point. Is that the case? Would you prefer if I got all mad and told you to suck on a dog turd and fuck off away from me?

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