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14

Tequila_Wolf wrote (edited )

I think that the standard good understanding here is that some people are are monogamous by orientation, while others aren't. I have a sibling who genuinely wants to be with one person for the rest of their life. They are monogamous.

I have never wanted this. I do not have monogamous relationships.

Monogamy is oppressive just insofar as it is a norm that is imposed upon people who don't want it, or would not want it if they had the opportunity to live otherwise, in any of the multitude of ways that norms get imposed upon people.

2

[deleted] wrote (edited )

0

Tequila_Wolf wrote

My monogamous radical friends are monogamous by virtue of the fact that they want to be with only one person. They don't actually require that of their partners.

So monogamy doesn't solve your problem of jealousy necessarily either.

2

emmaloldman wrote

Monogamy is oppressive just insofar as it is a norm that is imposed upon people who don't want it...

I think this is the key point. I'm monogamous by choice...it's just how I prefer to experience relationships. However, I totally support people with other preferences.

6

Tequila_Wolf wrote

There are a lot of people out there who think they're monogamous because (in substantial ways) they don't know that there are other ways to be.

It's not enough just to support people with other preferences, but to tackle the shape of society such that people's preferences aren't predetermined by normativity.

5

emmaloldman wrote

Great point! However, my monogamy is deeply personal and a product of my own choices rather than a socialized normative prescription. I do understand the latter absolutely exists though and should be challenged whenever possible.

6

Cosmicsloth42 wrote

Nah, monogamy (at least in our modern life) involves two consenting adults. Either person can end the relationship if it isn't working out or if they want to see other people (in most cases, assholes will always be assholes).

5

Defasher wrote (edited )

Yeah, I think so. You can't own another human being. But that doesn't mean people shouldn't be monogamous when it's right for them, just that people shouldn't freak out when their partner isn't interested in monogamy.

It all needs to be decided before hand though, if it's done behind each other's back, that's a breach of trust.

4

LostYonder wrote

It isn't necessarily monogamy in and of itself that is oppressive, it is its normative construction that is. Normativity implies there is power at work who produce, circulate, and police an idea. Monogamy, as a social idea is oppressive.

We must recognize though that the idea of monogamy is deeply interwoven into various forms of patriarchal control over female sexuality. Untangling that construction is not so easy and thus I question whether it is even a preferred sexual orientation - is it really a choice or is it so naturalized that we imagine ourselves acting on our innate preferences?

3

selver wrote

Not oppressive really, since it's consensual. It's only oppressive in that it's the expected default fetish for everyone.

But I do think most people who take up that particular fetish would be better off trying something else. Infidelity & divorce rates should be evidence enough really. It's often just based in insecurity & fear.

3

23i wrote

is -gamy being used in the sense of marriage or any relationship in general?

3

OniLinkPlus wrote

I'm sure many people are just inherently monogamous, but I also find it improbable that all monogamists are inherently so. It's far more likely that a significant proportion of humanity would desire non-monogamous relationships given my (limited) knowledge about how we probably acted before societal norms. So what's oppressive is not monogamy, but monogamy normativity.

-5

[deleted] wrote (edited by a moderator )

0

LostYonder wrote

sounds like your problem is not monogamy but extreme selfishness... :/

I can't help but wonder what is the social ethics of your communism, given you are a "proudcommie"? How can you live in a community of equals, where much will be demanded of you by others, if you can only last with someone until they ask you to do something???

-5

kazahana wrote

As a monogamist this question doesn't even make sense to me

So

-5

kazahana wrote

Okay, fuck you pasty white teenagers.

I have no use for a website that would downvote people for not being promiscuous enough.

4

ziq wrote

I think you're being downvoted because your comment added nothing to the conversation and came off as passive aggressive.