hasbrochem wrote on May 22, 2019 at 6:20 AM

Reply to comment by hermit_dragon in How does BDSM fit into anti-hierarchy by ordinaryDrain

Great insight into some aspects of the culture. Sometimes it can be challenging to find groups that aren't overrun with cis-het "alpha" men that think this means that anyone that's a sub/bottom should automatically submit to them. They are almost always liberals or more conservative, in my experience. Those are toxic and abusive 50 shades of gray dudebro types.

What you wrote here is very helpful to me as I've been struggling to process certain things that I participate in, especially as a switch and even though consensual the giving up of control/power to another has been a cause of anxiety for me in the past.

Do you have any other reading recommendations about this type of thing?

hermit_dragon wrote on May 22, 2019 at 5:24 PM

Sometimes it can be challenging to find groups that aren't overrun with cis-het "alpha" men that think this means that anyone that's a sub/bottom should automatically submit to them.

Ugh this is so true - #1 reason I don't hang out in the wider scene anymore, or on Fetlife.

I'm really glad to have been helpful, navigating the politics of kink can be a real tangle, individually and as communities.

I think I might have some reading recs - I will see if I can dig them up and share them, mental batteries permitting!