TLDR: Anarchy is what you do within your ability not what u think and considering my capabilities and what I choose to do I'm not an anarchist bc Im actively choosing to go on the non anarchist path. When u manage almost 200 slaves, commit acts of ecocide, kill fuck tons of non farm animals and do massive pollution majority of your time in the day and can literally do anything fucking else but u choose to act like a comical enemy of anarchist and have the resources and ability to do otherwise ur not an anarchist. So I'll stop pretending I am one.
if u wanna reason why tbh, I have no fucking clue why I do this shit. Maybe I'm just so jaded, amoral, and low on ability to give a fuck and will to fight that its an perfect combo for me to do this shit. Maybe I'm secretly to even myself that I"m so desperate for people to support me, a way to feel needed, not alone, resources to have some more autonomy in life and a sense for adventure combined with security that getting back into the slavery game with racists and misogynists is no real problem to me and I don't really wanna get out. tho lets be fucking honest, the reason is irrelevant and I"m not going to try and excuse myself bc the reality is I'm the archy and its ok bc its my archy. You either do what u can or u don't and I wont so thats reality.
Idk, what the fuck is wrong with me or what is going on but its whatever I guess. Idk, maybe I'll be an anarchist today, maybe I'll be one in a month or maybe never. It was an interesting ride and its very strange to notice myself fully becoming what I soke to destroy. U would think I would be mostly distressed or disgusted but tbh, I don't really differentiate between what I do directly and what I am causing by association, immperialism, slavery, civilization and such things. So ehh, its mostly just the same but kinda better in a really fucked up way. Tho, I will say this shit is having a massive massive decline in my character and actions outside of work too. I'm not going to give deets bc TOS violations but fuck idk, yeah thats all I got. Fuck idk, guess I'm not an anarchist.
Tbh, writing this out actually spurred a lot of negative emotions more so than the horrors I enact terrifyingly stoically. Idk, raddle has had a massive impact on my life in many ways and I'm going down a road that I'm just becoming and have already become so distant on a personal level. Its like comparable to having a partner you have loved for a long time and realizing that the both of you have grown so far apart you have little in common or anything to talk about. My ideas in my head havn't changed but my actions sure have which is whats important.
Idk, the label of anarchist doesn't really apply to me anymore. I'm continuing on my path for life, probably on a far far less virtuous path. It was a fun ride and maybe I'll get back on. I ain't got much of an answer to why or anything but its something that has happened and its pretty .... different.