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extremecouponing OP wrote

I did say, "It bothers me because I know I have talked with people before who do consider it to be ableist"

I could have maybe made that a little bit more clear, but I do know people who consider these words to be harmful. I wouldn't necessarily call them friends, but a few different former comrades of mine have found this word to be personally harmful.

I'm also literally asking here so that I can understand. I'm not enforcing behavioral norms, nor am I full on upset with my partner, just have mentioned to her that I understand those words to be ableist, but do not entirely understand why, which again, is why I'm here asking about it right now. Just because I don't understand the history, doesn't mean I can't tell her about the people I know who take personal offense to those words, and that I personally understand it to be ableist. I'm not starting a fight with my partner over this or otherwise manipulating/gaslighting her. Just relaying the information I have currently, with the understanding that more info is probably good in this situation