this is a 196 ama, if u see this u have to ask a question :P
Comments
BLVDE OP wrote
staring with the hardest question, i see...
i dont really know
i once wanted to start out as musician, but i never really liked the idea of having thousands of fans
sure it would probably be cool to play at a big festival, but i kinda prefer things to happen in smaller groups where u also can connect with each other
traveling also has been a goal that... somewhat has been achieved, but not yet the way i wanted to
i had multiple times now, that i just wanted to leave the country (and maybe never come back), but so far im still here
so far my best memories in life are from traveling and being in nature
australia was really great and after the anarchist gathering in st imier where i got to know an amazing person, we traveled together for a month or so with was really nice
id really like to have more of this
another "goal" i have is to live with a bunch of ppl where we do stuff together and the whole thing is away from all the bs of society
been thinking of drawing something about that and maybe will manage to try that when i have the surface im getting second hand this week
not a goal but just a decision for me is to be as little involved in all the bad stuff society dos like capitalism (i use almost no money/try to avoid it as much as possible) and its forced labour (currently getting money from the state which im also not proud of but as long as i dont have to do shit for it i dont really care and its also not much that i get)
guess the current "goal" is to find out what i wanna do rn
i know i need to move out (currently living with my ex and its been too long)
i dunno if i wanna stay in this town or leave
and if i stay, where?
dont really wanna live in a modern building anymore (they feel unnatural to me)
a friend of mine lives in a flat share in an old building which is really nice
id ask but currently thats a no-no bc the person i am/been together lives there
tldr;
living life on my own terms and finding out how/where i wanna live in the near future
Lettuce wrote
Yeah there is something really special about meeting anarchists in person it's nice.
Yeah it would be super cool to live with anarchists or whatever. Not really something I can do at the present moment but it is something in my plans too. It's not exactly the same but it's pretty close.
I hope u figure out a cool new place to stay and get to meet some ppl. I only really know USA well otherwise I'd give u some advice
lazy_vegan_cat wrote (edited )
have you already chosen a drawing tablet for yourself? i've seen you asked if people could recommend something and sadly i couldn't help because i've never used an on-surface tablet.
what are your favourite music genres?
what does your username means and how'd you choose it?
BLVDE OP wrote
decided to get a second hand surface pro 8
they should be good for drawing
apparently the pro 7 has some issues with pen input, thats why i went with the 8
second hand, but still quite expensive thou (even thou i saved atleast 50% on new price)
i dont really do music in genres
partially also because i cant map most songs to a genre
a favorite genre i have thou is synthwave (kavinsky, gunship, fm-84, the midnight)
in music i like when i can connect with the lyrics (just as i like to be able to connect with the story of movies and series or also books) or when it has some nice melodically instrumental
BLΛDE stands for blade
Its a gender neutral name (yes i know every name is, but this is also neutral from society) that i once found with the idea of using for myself but ended up mainly using it as artist name and therefore also as username
I really like it and it has a nice feeling to it
It feels strong, powerful
like a goddess ^^
whats ur drawing setup?
whats ur favorite music (genre)?
and what dos ur username mean?
my guess would be that u call urself a lazy person that is vegan and either loves cats or sees themselves as a cat
lazy_vegan_cat wrote
yo nice choice in buying second hand.
yeah i see where you're coming from about genres. do you have a page or something where i can check out your music and art? it's always nice to get acquainted with fellow artists.
i always read your username as 'blood' for some reason.
as for my setup i have xiaomi redmi 9 and wacom bamboo one. the laptop has good screen resolution to see clearly what you draw and lightweight enough to carry around. also reasonable specs to work with memory demanding programs like after effects and premiere pro. bamboo one is very cheap and small but still has a good quality and good pressure sensitivity.
oof i don't know about favourite genres. i tend to like music with 'evil', minor melodies if this makes sense, mostly jazzy, edm-like or metal-like.
yeah you guessed it, i'm lazy, vegan and i like cats lmao.
BLVDE OP wrote
its usually cheaper and i even thou i spend almost nothing, i dont have that much money available
i cant completely stand behind second hand thou, as it also enables ppl (who sell stuff) to buy new things
so far not and so far i only have like 3 songs that i call finished
the rest is either just short pieces of music or lyrics of which some r finished and many arent
thought about creating a bandcamp profile
kinda forgot about it again already but guess thats the only platform that dosnt suck (without relying on torrents or a webhosting)
drawings i dont really have anything
did some small ones a while ago of which one is my signal profile pic and from time to time tried something but mostly all of it dosnt exist anymore
guess ive got some blood on my blade
sounds nice :)
i tried one of those non screen wacom tablets once but it was really weird to me
had a laptop that had pen support before but it was way too heavy and the pen erroring too often
also wasnt a good pen
sounds interesting! do u have song that i could listen to?
yay ^^
lazy_vegan_cat wrote
aww i was hoping to see your stuff. if you make a bandcamp or an art page you can it share with me :3
yeah i see how no screen tablets can feel weird and i've seen lots of people who don't use them because they need a direct hand to eye coordination. and a good stylus is very important too. btw what software you want to use?
uhh it's hard to pick a song. i'll go with several from some of the genres i like Comacozer - Helios Hyperion (Comacozer do a lot of psych rock stuff, i love it) HO99O9 - Cyber Cop (normally i don't like punk music but there's something in ho99o9 that really makes my mind go wild) Sungazer - drunk (idk how to call it, i guess it's electronic jazz?)
also i suddenly remembered that i'm in love with vaporwave.
BLVDE OP wrote (edited )
ended up on mastodon
now i just need to upload the remaining songs i have
(maybe i manage to find some more drawings, but think i dont have them anymore)
also i feel bad bc im not sure if the files get transcoded or not and i uploaded a flac file
really like comacozer helio hyperion
the other two im not sure anymore
thing is, when songs take too long (sometimes even with the ususal 3-4min songs) i often drift off, which makes it hard to actually find out wether i like something
lazy_vegan_cat wrote
hey, thanks for the heads up. turns out i completely forgot the password from my previous account so i had to create a new one. verification on ni.hil.ist can take some time but as soon as i'm good i'll follow ya.
BLVDE OP wrote
i forgot and remembered it multiple times ^^"
i signed up some hours ago and got instantly accepted (was actually really confused to why im able to log in)
lazy_vegan_cat wrote
seems that you are very charming then. and i'm still waiting lol
BLVDE OP wrote
omg u just made me blush blush emoji
maybe i just hit the right time frame
BLVDE OP wrote
if i remember i do a bandcamp somewhen this week
(unless u know of a better way to upload art stuff that isnt a big corpo platform?)
gonna go with krita as its on linux and foss
also gonna go with a bunch of foss music aplications (cardinal, stochas,maybe giada, maybe ardour if the live mode is usable now)
and gonna go back to debian (unless i find a slimmer version that is as stable to use) as i dont wanna compile everything myself anymore (waste of power) and just use the system for art (ans probably some light webbrowsing and torrenting)
but ill try to not install anything else than those two that could distract me from doin art
what software do u use?
gotta listen to them when im not lying next to my sleeping special person
nice ^^
lazy_vegan_cat wrote
to be honest bandcamp is the best place for musicians to upload music to so idk about other platforms.
krita's a very good choice. i use pirated photoshop which has lots of tools, but in my experience krita is better suited for drawing.
BLVDE OP wrote
and for pictures?
would love something i can upload both and that isnt moderated (aka a place where i dont have to fear that thongs can be deleted any given moment just bc someone feels like it)
could also be that i end up with something simpler than krita, but for now i wana try it
proprietary stuff is too anoying with having to crack it and then sometimes it still avoiding the crack
also i expect it to be more bloated and also it has the ability to do whatever bc the code isnt public
lazy_vegan_cat wrote
ouff not moderated places for art i don't even know. the acceptable amount of moderation depends on what will you draw.
instagram seems to be loose for anarchist stuff, but you should be careful with antisocial sentiments, these can get deleted instantly. they also have weird rules for erotica. and instagram in general isn't very good for artists because of shitty algorithms.
tumblr is pretty chill, and doesn't seem to have strict moderation, though i don't know much about it. you can get nice engagement even if you're absolutely new.
also pixiv. it's mostly japanese but there are artists from other places too. i skimmed through their content rules and they seem strict.
tbh i'm not very familiar with all the websites where you can share art, i'm sure there are lots of them.
yeah programs that you need to crack suck.
BLVDE OP wrote
with unmoderated i mostly just mean a place where no one has the power to just randomly deleted my art (apart from myself)
instagram is meta owned, so thats a big no-go for me
also they try to force u to create an account for looking at things
tumblr might be an idea
hacent heard of pixiv before
not sure i like strict ruling thou
maybe i just share it via some fediverse platform
afaik theres one specifically for images
Nyanca wrote
this is a 196 ama, if u see this u have to ask a question :P
I can't pick just one, so I'm dumping them all here out of mischievousness.
1.) When you play truth or dare (a party game), are you more inclined to pick "truth" or "dare"? 2.) If you had a power that let you customize your physical appearance like a video game avatar, what would your new appearance be? 3.) What's a ""normal"" thing people do that you find immensely uncomfortable and/or disconcerting? 4.) If you had a fursona, what species would they be? 5.) Why or why wouldn't you get along with your teenage self? 6.) What are your least favorite smells and how would you describe them?
Anyway, I hope you're doing well. If you aren't, I hope your day gets better.
BLVDE OP wrote
haha, thats the way i like it ^^
i think i played that like twice in my entire life so far (its not really a thing here, but ive also never really been a party person)
i think id prefer dare (maybe i get the dare to kiss someone and maybe that person is okay with me doing that? ^^")
and truth u can get from me without... okay u can get truth and dare from me even without playing this game, bc i really like to do random stuff and have little issue talking about myself
Is this a one time thing or can i keep changing?
Id loce to be a shapeshifter
then i could always shift into what feels right at any given moment
thing my favorites would be puppy and feminine human (aka my face would change, body hair removed, and breasts a tad larger)
working a job even if they dont like it or have a burnout bc of it
working 42h a week
how can someone have so much energy to waste such a bunch of time?
eating meat
how do u have zero connection towards animals?
making up ur mind about someone after just looking at them
how fucked up can u be to think this is a viable way to "interact" with others?
racism, ableism, queerphobia -> basically all form of hate
it helps no one and only harms ppl
oh and to that note
telling others about racism
the only reason that my mind also got intangled into thos bs is bc i got told about it and i literally just wanna forget that it exists bc it dosnt work with my world view but somehow i still need to tell my brain to fuck off when seeing random bipoc ppl bc society managed to place that in my head securely vomit face
the list is clearly longer but i feel like ive already written quite a bit
dog
im a puppy
thou im not entirely sure im a dog and not something similar to it
thats an interesting questions
i guess i would have issues with teenage me (if i can bring them away from being at the computer all the time)
guess it could also help teenage me to get less emotionally fucked from being bullied
not sure how teenage me would like me thou
think theyd need quite some time to adapt to me as i changed quite much from back then
thou the core values were always there, so i know it should be able to work out
maybe i can crack their egg a bit earlier
think some stuff in my life was also needed to harden my views (eg how shitty bein an apprentice can be)
oh, hard one
i guess its mostly smells from advanced human made things
electronics - the circuit boards have some really awful smell (bitter?)
car exhaust - smell varies, but can be really intense and basically smell like a petrol station
petrol station - funes that make u wanna hold ur breath (no clue how to describe them)
tobacco - kinda the car exhaust version of smoking something
i really dont know how to describe those smells without using non describing words
theres room for improvement but im doing quite fine
playing a uno reverse card and asking u all the questions back! :P
Shame_Pity wrote
What's your favourite song that you have found this year?
Do you have to play christmas/halloween music at christmas/halloween (if you celeberate them)?
BLVDE OP wrote
favorites r a hard one for me as i keep changing to what i listen to
heather by grandson is clearly one that got my emotions
medusa by schmyt is one the got me very emotional bc of a person thats important to me
guess id say those two
i prefer media that gets me emotionally, even thou that can be more like self harm sometimes
didnt know halloween music is a thing
my family has some christmas/hanukka music that they deem as a must, but myself i dont care about christmas
the only thing it is actually nice for is to meet with other ppl
just like birthdays (which i only realised after by bday this year)
do u have (a) favorite song(s) u found this year?
how about the christmas/halloween music?
Shame_Pity wrote
heather by grandson is clearly one that got my emotions medusa by schmyt is one the got me very emotional bc of a person thats important to me
Ohh I love grandson, I shall give that a listen, can't say the same about Medusa cause I don't speak German.
i prefer media that gets me emotionally, even thou that can be more like self harm sometimes
Emotional media is hit or miss like that I suppose, sometimes it makes you feel better and othertimes it sends you spiralling down the drain again.
didnt know halloween music is a thing
Oh huh, well I am talking about songs like Spooky Scary Skeletons and The Monster Mash. Great songs.
my family has some christmas/hanukka music that they deem as a must, but myself i dont care about christmas the only thing it is actually nice for is to meet with other ppl just like birthdays (which i only realised after by bday this year)
That's fair, I gotta agree to. Getting to talk to friends and family you haven't seen in a while is usually the best part of the event.
do u have (a) favorite song(s) u found this year?
I have found songs I like but nothing has really stood out as a favourite this year.
how about the christmas/halloween music?
It really depends on who's gonna be there, if its busy and full of people, I would be more focused on talking and interacting with others. If its a smaller gathering or just me, music is a must, usually a mix of season themed music and just the usual stuff I listen to.
BLVDE OP wrote
just listened to the "i love u, im tryin" album and
"stuck here with me" is also a really heavy one
medusa is less the lyrics for me and more bc of the emotions towards that other person
feel like for me its easier to emotionally connect with the emotional heavy/not so nice stuff
started watching arcane with my gf the other day and am quite klad that we didnt make it too far bc the scenes that didnt get me the last times already got me a little
oh, right, definitively heard some of that before
halloween is just not really a thing here (or atleast i dont know of it being a thing here)
idk...
can be okay
somehow i just dont work around my family
whats ur latest favorite song?
Ant wrote
Are you good at sleeping
BLVDE OP wrote
ehm
when i fell asleep then usully yes, i just sleep until i wake up again which usually is around 12 hours
fallibg asleep is a different thing thou
sonetimes its easy, sometimes it dosnt work at all
then i just stay awake until im so tired that i will surely fall asleep
wokeupwithnocause wrote
what do you do when you feel lonely?
BLVDE OP wrote
i dont wanna write this but...
get depressed and projecting that im the issue and that no one likes me
and if i can i try to battle those thoughts
yeah its pretty shitty... :/
wokeupwithnocause wrote
at some point one have to deal with depression and projecting, I guess you are not alone because sometimes I do that as well!
BLVDE OP wrote
well... i guess...
but i dont know how and me is hesistant to try another therapist
thou dysphoria... im not sure i can get rid of that just with processing it
i had times when i manage but it always circles back eventually
but yeah... maybe if i had a clue what to do with my life and having more social contacts (but how the fuck do i manage?)
wokeupwithnocause wrote
Having more social contact is important yeah, I kinda fail too at that point. Sadly I don't deal with dysphoria so I prefer to not speak about something I don't know.
Therapist are though, sometimes it takes more than five (like my case) to get things right and I believe when people say they get tired/don't believe anymore in them. sometimes it looks like a lottery ticket
BLVDE OP wrote
the ppl i know tend to not have time which leaves me to only see the same few ppl
and connecting with new ones i almost dont manage
ur lucky that u dont have to deal with dysphoria
its really not a fun thing
i also have the issue that i have issues to talk about but bc its a fixed timeslot i dont have things to talk about in that specific time frame
idk fixed timeslots dont work for me and theres no other option to get therapy
SnowyKnave wrote (edited )
Ahh I didnt expect to to have to ask a question.
If you had to make a wish what would it be? (And no ‘more wishes’ bs)
BLVDE OP wrote
hehe evil smile
hmm...
ive been interested how itd be having a clone of myself (would we fall in love with each other or be annoyed from each other?)
but i dont think i wanna use it on me
make the world entire universe be an anarchistic place, ruled by no one but oneself
rhink i like thos one
hope its precise enough to not make the geeny fuck everything up
what would ur wish be?
SnowyKnave wrote
I like your wish! I do think an evil genie could still fuck it up if they wanted - the world isnt anarchistic ultimately because most people dont want it to be and you could ironically risk making the world much worse.
My wish would be pretty similar, but I think this would work better ‘Give me and any other anarchistic person who would like it the power to transform the relationships around them away from oppression and into chaos, collaboration and empowerment’.
BLVDE OP wrote
yeah i knew that might not work out this way
what if nothing happens on ur wish?
i mean, we kinda have that power already, its just really hard for ppl to see, therefore they hesirate to leave their trusted environment
SnowyKnave wrote
We sorta already do have that power - but its often a ‘kinda’ thing. I can make my relationship with my family/friends better and more empowering but there are lots and lots of limits on that.
BLVDE OP wrote
i understood it wrong
thought u mean that just the anarchists who want it can transform the relationships -> aka just those anarchists relationship to each other
now it makes way more sense
yeah fair, guess that would be really nice actually
(me sitting here and thinking that i dont manage relationships either way...)
Ant wrote
Do you believe in anything that people would consider supernatural
BLVDE OP wrote
dont think so(?)
dunno tbh
i believe in anarchism, is that already considered supernatural?
i guess i would belive in the whole ufo stuff if id ever see one myself but without it i just dont care wether they exist or not as they dont seem to have any impact on anything
do u believe in anything supernatural?
Jialunes wrote
What's your favorite color, and favorite number?
BLVDE OP wrote
favorite was always orange and i guess it still is but i also really like violet, pink, blue (outrun colors)
dont think i have a favorite number
i mean 69 is nice (pun intended), 420 can be a nice experience, 1312 is clearly the case but those r about the meaning and not about the number itself
i guess i prefer numbers without corners (6,8,9,0)
6 kinda speaks most to me from looking at them but dunno
do u have a favorite color and/or number?
Jialunes wrote (edited )
My favorite color is dark indigo. When you can't quite say if it's blue or purple. But I also really like the color that's a middle ground between purple and red. I really like roses that are in that color.
My name also gives a similar hue (I have synesthesia) : based on the letters of my name, its colors are : strawberry, purplish-brown, deep blue, red.
My favorite number is 7. It's a number that often comes in my life. My last name has 7 letters. The name of my alternate persona had 7 letters. My birthday is on the 16, and 1+6=7. My name has 12 + 5 strokes when written in Kanji. So 17. It ends with 7 too. 7 is purple. 7 is also the most likely number to go out when you throw two 6 faced dices.
I also like 4, it's strawberry color, like the letter A. My name starts with A and has 4 letters when written in romaji. The month of my birth is the 4th of the year. And √16 = 4
You say your favorite color is orange, well, the number 9 is orange for me! I also really like orange roses, because in a childhood anime (Yume no Crayon Oukoku), orange roses are said to bloom only in the presence of true love. The most beautiful orange to me is the one we see when the sun rises or sets.
The number 6 is cherry colored.
BurningMochi wrote
On what basis does one transcend the contemplation of dyads?
BLVDE OP wrote
dos this question equal to
how dos one get over a relationship (of any form) with another person?
thats a really good question which i dont have the answer (looking at myself lying in bed with the person i love most currently while knowing that this relationship isnt in a good shape anymore)
i guess u need to love urself to be able to not need the love of someone else (atleast i feel that thats my issue)
for people that arent good for u
u need to cone to the conclusion that trying to make it work isnt working and accept that u wont have a relationship with that person and see that u can disengage from any contact (which is harder with family, but still doable)
still think i might fuck up the second one again
zip wrote
did anything interesting with your brain recently?
BLVDE OP wrote
not quite sure what the question is
if u mean wether i experienced something interesting with my brain, i guess the post i made about the thc experience
if something happened to my brain
i hope not
what my brain is doin rn
fucking myself up bc i met special person today (seems like not gf anymore but still unclear) and on logical view i know that i should set boundaries but emotionally im just too fucked up and dont care what happend, i just wanna be close to them
if none of these were answers to ur questions then i need u to rephrase
Lettuce wrote
What r ur goals in life?