Submitted by decapotato in ACAB

Late last year I was sexually assaulted and almost murdered by my ex-partner. I’m an avid supporter of ACAB. Even though this is the case, I still reported the assault and opened an investigation just a few months ago. I’m worried about him hurting someone else and I want him to understand that what he did was wrong.

I can’t help but feel like a hypocrite for going to police when I support the ACAB movement. I also feel like that support is no longer valid. I wonder if I’m a bad person for reporting it. I was interested in hearing opinions on this situation or ones like it.



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emma wrote (edited )

You aren't a hypocrite, nor are you a bad person, because investigating and charging assailants with assault isn't a reason ACAB.


celebratedrecluse wrote

This. In fact, systematic practices of police refusing to investigate or charge assailants with assault, is a reason ACAB.

If you can get some form of accountability in this world, that's a good thing, and it's not your fault that you only have the options which are available to you.

Often, the situations we are in, we have difficult and constrained choices. The situation you describe, is an extreme example of this.

I don't know your specific situation, but based on what you said, I 100% believe you did the right thing and helped to protect others. That is what anarchism, to me, is really about: reducing the incidence of abuse and coercion in the world.


existential1 wrote (edited )

Contradictions can both be true. ACAB, yes. Are you alive in 2020? Yes. Does that mean that the recourse for sexual assault is near-universally "handled" by the State? Yes. Dreaming and building a better tomorrow does not change the fact that you exist in the here-and-now of today.


decapotato OP wrote

Hey, thank you all for the replies. I feel a lot better about this situation now, and I can continue to support ACAB without feeling weird!

Stay safe everyone :)


zddy wrote

Did what you had to do. there really isn't another alternative in this situation.


rot wrote

no it's good you filed a report or the police may not take you seriously and any other complaints against that person could be ignored. Unfortunately the cops are the only 'legit' groups that deal with abuse


raindropq wrote (edited )

wow. you have had an extremely terrifying experience. i hope that there are supportive people around you're able to feel trust with, and i wish you strength in recovering from the wounding.

other commenters here have already spoken helpfully, so there are supportive people around, here. deferring to what community there is when attention is needed, for help, and advice, in navigating such a complexity as this situation , is optimal. so not a hypocrite or invalid abolitionist for looking to what recourse within your capacity, to protect yourself and others. the court and prisons system is very far away from the beautiful, mutually-supportive society we want as abolitionists but, maybe some time locked down will be an opening for your ex to awareness of the consequence of their behavior. i hope they learn something from their time .

a situation which i recently had some minimal involvement with. yesterday i heard that a neighbor with whom i'd recently had some interaction during my explores had been arrested and charged with cruelty . i'd noticed the house abandoned and full of trash and i was especially interested to investigate as it has a creek going through the front yard and backed by a forest on its other side. i wondered how it was abandoned and fantasized about cleaning it up and making it good as i walked up the driveway between piles of garbage and broken things. i stepped over the gate of the white-picket fence and into the house where i saw something was very much more wrong than i had thought to suspect. there in full-of-shit cages were the carcasses of doves and guinea-pigs in various stages of decomposition. dozens of them stacked, all with dead animals and full of shit. and more discarded cages scattered and piled with shit from floor to ceiling in every room. horrifying to think, "who does that?".

i then met with a neighbor across the street and told him of what i saw and asked who's house it is. turns out he lives in the house next-door. so i went to meet him . he presents as bright and kind even with the stench of his house behind him. to my perception he seemed unaware about the severity of what he was doing when i told him what i'd seen in his house , like genuinely nonchalant . i told a few other neighbors and checked in with him a few times as i buried most of the animals and moved some of their shit to our nearby gardening project .

i wish that our neighborhood could function as a society to look out for eachother and neighbors to check in and intervene , helping to unlearn abuse.. but the neighbor across the street has known this guy 30 years -and he has a lovely garden- but let the abuse continue, angry instead about vagrant addicts. i think the ACAB movement is on our own streets between our homes. abolition is healing, community relationships.


keez wrote

I don't think so

I'm sorry to hear that happened to you. I wish you the best going forward and want to tell you that you are valid.


Hibiscus_Syrup wrote

It's terrible you had to experience that.

I don't know your specific situation. I don't know what the consequence of prison are where you are, or how likely it is that he would go to prison in your situation, or if he has been to prison before, or any other of the many important details relevant to your case. So here instead are some general thoughts.

There are other ways to try to make someone understand what they did was wrong without involving police. Like making sure that everyone he knows and cares about knows about what happened. Or visiting him with a group of friends at night.

Having a case against you doesn't necessarily make you understand that what you've done was wrong if you think it isn't in the first place. Plenty sexual assaulters and would-be murderers do so again, during and after prison. They also become victims of the same.

There's no simple or abstract answer, but insofar as there is one, I think it's good to assume that police are going to make a situation worse, and not better.